This Week in Big Ell Pro Ball

Palmeiro pleads Big Ell's Case

A few weeks back Ying Tsai Astro’s manager Brett O’Neil had a going away shindig at a local beer parlor. As is always the case with Brett, the conversation turned to major league and fantasy baseball. I went for a piss to avoid all of his inane arguments about the real and fantasy Astros. When I came back I overheard Brett and Marauders manager Dwayne discussing the worst trades of the season in Big Ell Pro Ball. They both declared that the Yankees trade of Miguel Cabrera for the Astros Randy Johnson was the most one sided trade of the year, followed by the Crisis trading Doc Halladay for the Marauders Mariano Rivera. Being drunk at the time, I was unable to think and or mention that the Yankees getting Barry Zito from the All-Stars for Clint Barmes was easily the most one sided trade of the year.

Johnson has been far from his over powering self, is old and is a borderline keeper. He has a 4.29 era and 7 losses with 11 wins but has managed 159 IP (7th), 3 CG (Tied3rd), 152 Ks (5th) and a 1.22 WHIP. While Cabrera-Johnson may go down as the WORST trade in the HISTORY of all the Big Ell Sports Leagues, it wasn’t the worst this year. If Cabrera turns into a crack head like Strawberry (highly likely if you have the inside connections of Big Ell) then it may not even be that bad. The Zito-Barmes trade was easily the most one-sided. Zito has, like his teammates turned his season around. His win loss isn’t great (11-8) and he doesn’t have a CG but he has 158 IP (8th), 112 Ks (26th), 3.65 era (42nd) and a 1.17 WHIP (26th). What has Barmes done? Before getting hurt he had 40 R, 8 HRs, 34 RBIs, 4 SB, 10 BB, 23 Ks, 12 Es and a .329 Ba in 225 AB’s. If Barmes had finished the year, the trade may not have been as one sided, but Big Ell’s vast baseball knowledge and insider connections gave him the foresight to know that he was in fact injury prone. So when the trade was offered he jumped at it and the All-Stars are in 9th and the Yankees4th.

Game of the Week:
Ying Tsai Astros- 6 Seattle Raniers- 6
The Astros lose first place overall by tying the 3rd place Raniers. The Astros got lucky with a below average week on the mound and at the plate. The equally hapless Raniers got lucky that they were playing the Astros.

Playoff Implications:
Yang Min Shan Yankees- 8 Bingo Long All-Stars-5
The Yankees held on for a hard fought win over the All-Stars. This game was close with three tied categories and with four categories that could’ve gone either way. The Yankees may have knocked the All-Stars out of the playoff race for the first time ever.

Blowout of the Week
Formosa Phillies- 14 Swinging Bats-1
The surging Phillies clobber the last place Bats by 13 runs and move into the last playoff spot. The Phillies pounded the Bats offensively behind Pujols, Ramirez and Blalock and got lucky on the mound as their shaky pitching managed to over power the limp arms of the Bats. The Phillies now face another crucial test when they face the 5th place Marauders.

S.B Spittin Camels- 7 Marauders-6
The Camels squeaked by the Marauders in a hard fought game. The Marauder pitching was on fire with a 1.27 era and stellar weeks from Sosa, Colon and Willis. Beltre came out of a year long slump to led the Camel attack who were also helped by big weeks from pitchers Haren and Carpenter.

EZ Money Braves-10 Taiwan E’s- 3
The Braves take over 1st place overall by pounding the E’s who have now fallen out of 6th place. EZ Money used a balanced attack to overwhelm the E’s who only had Bay playing well. The E’s pitching collapsed with an ERA of 9.95 and a WHIP of 1.95 to give the Braves another big win.

The Cellar Dwellars
Newcastle Guzzlers- 8 Cuban Crisis- 7
The injury plagued Guzzlers beat the always inept Crisis in a battle of teams whose season’s ended months ago.