Big LFL 1/3 Power Poll

This is the first and will probably be the last Big LFL’s Power Poll. In tribute to one of the best bands of the past few years Against Me, I have ranked all of the LFL’s teams with applicable lyrics from Tom Gabel and the boys. I would give Rob’s first born to see these guys live, but I live in the country where live music died.



1. Burning Balls (3-1) - Up the Cuts from New Wave

Is there anyone thinking what I am?
Is there any other alternative?

Are you restless like me?

The Balls are the best damn team in the LFL. This team has a ton of heart unlike their owner who has a heart pumping gravy. Balls owner Robbie G. is restless for a title as he has come up empty year after year in league after league. The Balls are off to a great start and will be tough to beat. Brady has been huge and the rest of his malcontents have come to play. Injuries may derail this Cinderella as Laverne Jordan and Briana Westbrook look hurt again.

2. Seattle Raniers (1-3) - Borne on the FM Waves of the Heart from New Wave

Anxiety, Anxiety you give me no mercy.
Grind my teeth smooth and flat in my sleep.
We took some pills to calm us down.
Then we needed help to come back up.
Just trying to stay in control of the situation.

The Raniers are off too a rough start but Grant Canning will have them turned around lickity split. Most teams would be devastated with the loss of the Deuce and Steven Jackson but Grant has no anxiety. He looks in the mirror every morning and says “I ‘m Grant Canning, dammit!” He does still have Vince Young and Willie Parker and should be able to exploit the meager waiver wire if and when he decides to dump the Deuce. I guess he still sees the Deuce as a keeper coming off multiple serious knee injuries.

3. Newcastle Guzzlers (3-1) - Stop! from New Wave

All of our lives in waiting.
All of our lives traded for their roses and applause.
All of our lives dedicated to shoving it right back in their fucking face.

The Guzzlers are near the top of the league and their LTD has been in neutral. The Guzzlers can make the title again once LTD starts rolling and he will. Brett Favre has been great even if I am tired of the written hand jobs by football sports writers. Yes he plays with emotion and verve but who gives a fuck he is a pill poppin’ hillbilly from Mississippi. The rest of his team is suspect but I’ve learned that Scotty can turn shit into manure.

4. Gerry Datillios (3-1) - Thrash Unreal (New Wave)

They don’t know nothing about redemption.
They don’t know nothing about recovery.

After a down year in 06 Craig Coughlin is looking for redemption in 07. The Gerry’s look solid despite not having much of a running game. Peyton and Plaxico have been unstoppable and have carried the team. Now that he appears to have cobbled together a decent running game he will be tough to beat. With the Cadillac finished Pittman may be a steal for the GDs.



5. Milhaven Mutiny (3-1) - White People for Peace from New Wave

Protest Songs in a response to Military Aggression.
Protest songs to try and stop the soldier's gun.
But the battle raged on......

Mutiny owner Raven Nauman has responded to the constant barbs of armchair pundits with wins. He has also been actively trash talking with the goal of being the most hated owner in the Big LFL. Milfhaven does look tough with Palmer and Barber leading the way. He also loves his two Jones backfield and their combined 31 points. He will need Harrison and Shockey to start getting some points to guarantee a playoff spot.

6. Ez Money Steelers (2-2) - Cliché Guevara from As the Eternal Cowboy

And we'll keep ourselves in a place where it's easy to hold onto.
And as the last threats came and went; this is the way that wars are played.
Always heading for a front, heading for a front, headed we go.
Into the obscurity of an easy to pass on feeling. Objection is so cliché.

The Steelers should be ranked higher but they have had their backs against the wall all season. They have had trouble matching Shane’s enormous expectations. Moss is the comeback player of the year hooked to the rejuvenation machine. Peterson and Edwards have tremendous upside potential. River may be the only chink in the Ez Money lineup but this team appears to be money in the bank.

7. Weekend at Benoit’s (3-1) - New Wave from New Wave

We can control the medium.
We can control the context of presentation.
Is there anybody on the receiving end?
Reaching out for some kind of connection.

WAB has overachieved thus far in the LFL. This season is eerily similar to 2005 when Big Ell got off to decent start only to end up out of the playoffs. Owner Big Ell must be ecstatic with the pick up of Travis Henry’s positive test and MJD’s zero TDs. He also must be over the moon with the production of Lawrence ‘Belichik hates Big Ell,’ Maroney. At least he has Jon Kitna, Shaun McDonald, Bobby Engram and Sammy Morris. Things couldn’t be better in Taiping.

8. Mean Machines (2-2) - Mediocrity Gets You Pears (The Shaker) from Searching for a New Clarity

Foul play! There's a target on the audience.
Vampires! We're only in it for the money.
Dilute! We took the movement to the market.
So Fuck Us! We totally sold out the scene.
Excite me! excite me! Nothing really excites me, there's no connection at all.

I don’t know what to make of the Machines. They look okay on paper with Gates and two great rookie WRs. But the rest of the team looks mediocre hige weeks followed by terrible weeks. Benson, Foster and Lewis epitomize this team will some great weeks from time to time but scare no one. This team could end up at the top or in the Chuck Noll Bowl.

9. Holy Rollers (1-3) - Mutiny on the Electronic Bay from As the Eternal Cowboy

it's an into the sunrise aesthetic, let's pretend this is an informed consent.
that class division doesn't make an infantry,
there is no incentive, no franchise opportunities.

The Holy Rollers are much like their owner. Written off like Barbaro, the Rollers are fighting back. It appeared that Jay had no incentive to participate but Tony the Homo is on fire and LJ will find his way. Lynch has been good but the four headed combo of Furrey, Branch, Currey and Brown is god awful. The team’s aesthetic may be ugly but there is beauty hidden.

10. Fightin Phins (2-2) - Miami (Searching for a New Clarity)

We charge into danger. No guarantees or safe places.
No one can be trusted, everyone is a suspect.
All the money's worthless. The talent is trite and exaggerated.
The food is turning, the water is poison.

Actually the Phins have some nice talent and now that Ronnie Brown is rejuvenated he may make some noise in the next 1/3 of the season. Rudi Johnson gets points when healthy and Holmes looks like a stud. I am just not sold on the rest of the guys especially Cutler and his receivers. Brandon Jacobs could make or break the Phins season.

11. Insane Clown Posse (1-3) - T.S.R. (This Shit Rules) from As the Eternal Cowboy

I start realizing all this living is just dying and if these are my friends,
if this is my home, if this is how i spend my nights,
how I communicate, and demonstrate a love of life.
My eyes roll into the back of my head, if these are the last words that I've ever said.
No I'm not ready to die just yet.

I may be performing last rites a bit early on the Insane Clown Posse but I think they are in trouble. Big Ben, the Ocho and Steve Smith may well lead this team into the Noll Bowl. I do believe that this team has too many holes at RB behind Gore. Cadillac Williams hurt the Posse but maybe just maybe Brad can turn it around.

12. Ricky Williams’ (1-3) Those Anarcho Punks Are Mysterious… from Reinventing Axel Rose

there is the elite and the dispossessed.
it's only about survival.
who has the skill to play the game for what it's worth,
and reach an obscure kind of perfection.

Stu is truly the dispossessed of the Big LFL. His QBs invariably implode and one of his backs blows out a knee or is arrested. The Williams’ have talent but are and Addai injury from thirteenth place. Drew Brees needs to get positive points for Ricky to have a shot at the playoffs.

13. Rapid City Rage (1-3) - How Low from Searching for a New Clarity

Need to dry out, take some time to clear my mind.
Before I know it here I am again, 2 o'clock in the morning.
Standing in a bar with a drink in hand. How low can you go before you can't turn around?
Seriously this is my last and final time, I'm making some big changes in my life.

The Rage were pretty cocky (trashing the Steelers) before the season began and have been paid back by the football gods. Bugler has been terrible but Shaub may help fix the season. The RBs are still atrocious and he will need Bush to live up to his potential. Big changes are needed in Rapid City.

14. Hellcatpunks (1-3) - Even At Our Worst We’re Still Better Than Most (The Roller) from Searching for a New Clarity

You can have it all.
I ain't got the heart to fight.
I'm all used up.
Total exhaustion.
Complete breakdown.

Not much to say about the Hellcatpunks. I am not even sure if they have one keeper let alone four. A long year for Dwayne.