Big LFL Season Preview

Championship Caliber

These teams will try to be like my favorite Steelers Super Bowl team from 1978. Truth be told there ill never be a better NFL or LFL team than this Super Steelers team. This team went 14-2 losing at home by TD to Earl Campbell’s Oilers and by a FG to the Rams on the road. They made up for the Oilers loss by boot stomping them 34-5 in the playoffs. Then they beat the Cowboys 35-31 in the best Super Bowl ever played. There were 10 Pro Bowlers on this team: Mel Blount (db), Terry Bradshaw (qb), Joe Greene (dl), L.C. Greenwood (dl), Jack Ham (lb), Franco Harris (rb), Jack Lambert (lb), Donnie Shell (db), Lynn Swann (wr), Mike Webster (ol). It is easy to underestimate the greatness of this team but look at those names again and you will see pure greatness. Let’s see Peyton Manning try to score on this defence.

1. Seattle Tsunami 16-0

All the bottom feeders in the LFL only need to look at the Seattle Tsunami for inspiration. The defending champion went from perennial disappointment to champion because of the shrewd moves of owner Grant Canning. Rather than sit and whine he went out and made pre-draft moves to build his team. Now he looks like he is well set to defend his title and continue to do so for years to come. Grant Canning has become Bill Belichick incarnate. It will be interesting to see of he can do it without the cameras.

QB: Vince Young takes over the role of Mike Vick as the most unpredictable fantasy football player. He should do well this year and I think the Titans will be tough, good coach and a good QB. Sexy Rex is terrible but the Tsunami need him; for what, I don’t know. Jim Zorn is available and I heard Jim Krieg is making a comeback.

RB: The Tsunami have a three headed monster in Jackson, Deuce and Fast Willie. They should win weeks for Grant all by themselves. I especially love Parker who has the skills to win a rushing title. I also like Fat Lendale White to add some support. The Tsunami RBs can’t be beat, never fumble and should post 20 points each and every week.

WR: Santana Moss, Darrel Jackson and DJ Hackett will prove that the 2006 season wasn’t a fluke. All three of these guys have mad skills. Moss is a superstar and Jackson was too good for the Shithawks. Hackett will take his place and score huge points from Hasselbeck.

D: I love Ryans from Houston, he has a motor that just won’t quit! Much like my 72 Impala. The Tsunami defense may be the pick of the LFL litter. Another great year in store for the Tsunami.

2. The Newcastle Guzzlers

Scotty will be tough because of one man LTD. LTD makes the loss of Michael Vick and Yahoo picks easier to deal with. He should be able to help the Guzzlers make the playoffs and challenge for the title. He may need to make some waiver wire additions to help his team and that is not one of owner Scotty Shreiner’s strengths.

QB: Favre is old. The Packers are better. I am not sure which way to go with this. All I know is that Pennington is the backup and that spells trouble if Favre gets hurt. Strike that Favre never gets hurt he is just old.

RB: LTD. LTD, LTD, LTD, LTD and more LTD. I doubt he will be as good as he was in 2006 but Tomlinson always puts up huge numbers and 2007 should be no different. The problem with the Guzzlers is that Fred Taylor is the only other guy he has. Bye weeks may well spell doom for the Guzzlers.

WR: Holt is the fantasy version of a cold Pilsner. You always forget about his goodness but he always satisfies. Donald Driver is much the same kind of guy except he is more of a Labbat 50. Evans is the key to the Guzzlers as he needs him to turn into a Grolsch and avoid turning into a dozen Buds. I love Chris Cooley he is like a well the beer analogies are fucking old now much like Guzzler QB Favre.

D: T Guzzlers D is solid much like most teams in the LFL. I do love EJ Henderson as that was what I wanted as my nickname when I was kid but shithead stuck, fuckers.

3. Ricky Williams’

Brent Morrison has another potential championship team in 2007. He drafted well even though he didn’t make the draft. He pre-ranked with abandon and was helped by Jimmy the Greek’s granddaughter Sally the Stripper who works the coin-up strip booths in Times Square. Williams’ owner Brent Morrison has already started whining so winning can’t be far behind.

QB: Drew Brees has been a fantasy monster and all around good guy. He should put up huge numbers and hopefully prevent the Trent Green era. Trent Green is garbage and deserves to get a concussion every game. He stinks the Dolphins stink and everything he touches turns to shit; shit I tell you shit.

RB: I love Joseph Addai. He will put up super numbers in the high powered Indy offense. McGahee is also a great #2 back and should be much better than in Buffalo. The ageless Ahman Green needs to do his best Curtis Martin impression for the Williams’ to win the Chuck Noll Bowl.

WR: The Williams’ WRs might be the worst in the LFL. They have the potential to put up decent numbers but Clayton and Mason don’t have a QB. Galloway is good but I am not sold on Randle El; wait a minute he was a waiver wire pick up. I also like Watson but fear he may have also been picked up off the waiver wire.

D: The Williams’ have one of the best defenses in the LFL with six big point getters. I hope that Stu realizes that he can only start four of them.