LFL Season Preview

Playoff Pretenders

Every Big LFL owner knows that you need luck to go to the Chuck Noll Bowl. This group of teams is solid but will need lady luck on their side to push through into the playoffs.

The teams in this group most resemble the 1991 Pittsburgh Steelers who finished 7-9 and 2nd in the AFC Central. This Steeler team like teams in this group had talent like the two pro bowlers Rod Woodson and Greg Lloyd who is pictured for guys like Pat Harrigan who have no clue about the glory of the black and gold. This team was loaded on defense with Thomas Everett, Hardy Nickerson and Carnell Lake joining the pro bowlers. It was also the beginning of the Neil O-Donnell era and the RB tandem of Barry Foster Forrer and Merril Hoge were also involved. The WRs were lep by Stone and Lipps and saw Eric Green emerging as a star. Sadly this was the end of the Chuck Noll era and the start of the Bill Cowher era. By the way he deserves to be drown in the Allegheny river if he goes to Cleveland.

8. The Mean Machines

The Machines have relocated to Ontario and hope to bring their winning ways to Canada. Owner Ryan Davidson has a good team and will need a little luck to make it back into the playoffs. He works the waiver wire harder than most and should be back in the hunt in 2007. I have to admit that I had these guys ranked higher but the McNabb week 1 shitburger changed my mind.

QB: The Eagles need to sign Leftwich and then he and McNabb can race on their surgically repaired knees. It would be like me and Rob only that we were both linemen. I am thinking that we could beat them both at this point. Big Ell has surprising speed when drugs or alcohol are involved, Rob prefers GILF's. Machines owner Ryan Davidson is hoping that McNabb can come back and lead his team back to the playoffs. He has Delhomme and may need him to turn back the clock to 2005 and have a big year unlike last year when he destroyed Big Ell’s season in a shit storm.

RB: Cedric Benson should have a decent season replacing Thomas. The Machines have kept Benson for years and need the former Longhorn to put up a big year after jettisoning Drew and Henry. Jamal Lewis is done. He may have had some valuable but the Browns stink just ask Droughns. That is about it for the Machines which isn't a good sign for Ryan.

WR: The Machines have nice WRs. Johnson should buck the trend of terrible Lions WRs and put up big numbers. I am not so sold on Stallworth or Kennison who I think is older than my dad. I do think that Gates will have a monster year scoring huge points. He scores more than Stu at Scout Jamboree.

D: The Machines have a great defense and should score big points. Merriman is a stud as are Phillips and Hope. I am not sold on Spikes as he always gets hurts but it shouldn’t really matter as there are always good guys on the waiver wire.

9. Milhaven Mutiny/Mutineers.

The Mutiny appeared to be on their way to LFL stardom but then owner Raven Nauman got in the way. Not protecting Maroney will come back to haunt the Mutiny for years to come. With Maroney he would have been a title contender and now he will need some luck just to make the playoffs. Raven needs luck to be a lady tonight. It should also be noted that Raven picked up two kickers for the seventh consecutive year. I’ve always said that you can’t have enough kickers to excel in fantasy football.

QB: Carson Palmer is an excellent fantasy player who can put up huge numbers. His knee is fully healed and now he just needs to get traded to a decent team to fulfill his potential. Mutiny favorite Steve McNair is also back for another year of incomplete passes and fumbles. God help the Mutiny if Palmer goes down again.

RB: Thomas Jones is the most underrated fantasy back. He puts up nice numbers every year and rarely gets hurt. People are scared because he was once a Cardinal but he is a good player. Unlike Julius Jones who sucks cock. Thomas Jones may even have a better year than Maroney but Raven will be kicking himself when Jones is retired selling Viagra in a few years while Maroney is going to Disneyland. I don’t know what to make of Barber III as I hate his guts after his TDs sank my team last year. Kevin Jones was a keeper for a few years but is coming off an injury. Not much depth in Milhaven this year.

WR: Marvin Harrison is as steady as a Ghurka carrying a back pack. Hines Ward should also bounce back giving the Mutiny two stud WRs. He also has some decent depth with Berrian and Isaac Bruce, who contrary to popular opinion is still alive. He also picked up Jeremy Shockey who is guaran-fucking-teed to have a monster year now that I dumped his milquetoast ass.

D: The Mutiny have several great defensive players; like almost every other team in this league. I need to add more d-players so we can see guys like of Warren Sapp back in fantasy football.

10. The Fightin’ Phins

The Phins always seem to draft well and then shoot themselves in the foot. Owner Ryan Robinson works the waiver wire like a crack whore looking for a fix. He could be in the title hunt if a couple of his young studs finally realize their talent but I say that every year. I think I had him in the playoffs last year, that will teach me.

QB: Jay Cutler crushed many fantasy fans when he took over form Jake Plummer last year. Who can forget the agony and ecstasy of owning Plummer. One week you get 25 points and then -5 the following week. The excitement is similar to stopping in a pinto at an icy intersection. Cutler should be solid but he is from Vandy and is a Bronco, so hopefully he can follow in the Snake’s footsteps.

RB: The Phins are solid at RB with Rudi Johnson. He always puts up good numbers and comes to play. The bigger question mark is the enigma that is Ronnie Brown. The Dolphins stink and Brown has never reached his potential. A rumor there is a RB platoon happening in Miami has RRR waking at night in a cold sweat. Brandon Jacobs could be a nice 3rd back but that is about it as he is a Giant and hopefully out for the season.

WR: Javon Walker, Chris Chambers and Santonio Holmes are a nice trio in this league. Holmes is a nice sleeper and Walker always does well. Chambers is also solid but the woeful Dolphins offense may hurt his production. I experienced Trent Green first hand only two years agao when he killed the 2005 season for me.

D: The Phins have a ton of upside on defense in the first year AJT (after Jason Taylor). He has awesome DBs in Taylor and Rhodes and two great names in Kamerion Wimbley and Kawika Mitchell so I guess big things should be expected.