Big Ell's Sports Blog

High School Confidential

2008-11-18T15:31:00.001+08:00

Ever heard of the A-11 offense? Check this out and let me know what you think?

High School Confidential

2008-11-18T15:02:00.002+08:00

Big L MLB Keepers

2008-03-20T08:55:00.004+08:00


14. Marauders	13. Westgate Yankees	12. SB Spittin Camels	11.Seattle Raniers
C Martinez, Victor	2B Reyes, Jose	OF Dunn, Adam	SP Zambrano, C
1B Ortiz, David	3B Wright, David	OF Ordonez, M.	SP Oswalt, R
OF Sizemore, G.	OF Granderson, C.	2B Upton, BJ	SP Hernandez, F.
OF Hart, Corey	SP Bedard, Eric	OF Abreu, Bobby	2B Roberts, B.
SP Halliday, Roy	RP Rodriguez, F.	SP Snell, Ian	1B Pena, C

10. Xitun Shiretowners	9. Astros	8. Dribbling Bats	7. Formosa Phillies
2B Phillips, B.	SS Tulowski, T.	OF Guerrero, V.	1B A. Pujols
OF Rios, Alex	1b Howard, Ryan	1B Texiera, Mark	SS J. Rollins
SP Webb, Brandon	3b Cabrera, M.	SS Guillen, Carlos	OF N. Markakis
SP Verlander	OF Berkman, L	SP Sabathia, CC	SP J. Santana
SS Young. Michael	P Young, C	RP Wagner, Billy	SP T. Lincecum

6. Cuban Crisis	5. Canadian Es	4. Tai-pan	3. Newcastle Guzzlers
OF Carlos Beltran	2B Utley, Chase	OF Soriano, A.	SP Peavy, Jake
SP A.J. Burnett	OF Lee, Carlos	OF Ichiro Suzuki	RP Papelbon, J.
RP Joe Nathan	3B Braun, Ryan	C Russell Martin	OF Crawford, C.
SP Wang, C.	SP Beckett, Josh	SP Cole Hamels	1B Fielder, Prince
C Posada, Jorge	SP Kazmir, Scott	SP John Lackey	UT Hafner, T.

2. EZ MONEY BRAVES	1. Oceanic 9
3B A. Rodriguez	SS Ramirez, H.
1B J. Morneau	OF Holliday, Matt
SS D. Jeter	OF Wells, Vernon
1B/3B A. Gordon	OF Vazquez, J.
RP F. Cordero	3B Ramirez, A.

Big LFL 1/3 Power Poll

2007-10-07T17:21:00.000+08:00

This is the first and will probably be the last Big LFL’s Power Poll. In tribute to one of the best bands of the past few years Against Me, I have ranked all of the LFL’s teams with applicable lyrics from Tom Gabel and the boys. I would give Rob’s first born to see these guys live, but I live in the country where live music died.

1. Burning Balls (3-1) - Up the Cuts from New Wave

Is there anyone thinking what I am?
Is there any other alternative?

Are you restless like me?

The Balls are the best damn team in the LFL. This team has a ton of heart unlike their owner who has a heart pumping gravy. Balls owner Robbie G. is restless for a title as he has come up empty year after year in league after league. The Balls are off to a great start and will be tough to beat. Brady has been huge and the rest of his malcontents have come to play. Injuries may derail this Cinderella as Laverne Jordan and Briana Westbrook look hurt again.

2. Seattle Raniers (1-3) - Borne on the FM Waves of the Heart from New Wave

Anxiety, Anxiety you give me no mercy.
Grind my teeth smooth and flat in my sleep.
We took some pills to calm us down.
Then we needed help to come back up.
Just trying to stay in control of the situation.

The Raniers are off too a rough start but Grant Canning will have them turned around lickity split. Most teams would be devastated with the loss of the Deuce and Steven Jackson but Grant has no anxiety. He looks in the mirror every morning and says “I ‘m Grant Canning, dammit!” He does still have Vince Young and Willie Parker and should be able to exploit the meager waiver wire if and when he decides to dump the Deuce. I guess he still sees the Deuce as a keeper coming off multiple serious knee injuries.

3. Newcastle Guzzlers (3-1) - Stop! from New Wave

All of our lives in waiting.
All of our lives traded for their roses and applause.
All of our lives dedicated to shoving it right back in their fucking face.

The Guzzlers are near the top of the league and their LTD has been in neutral. The Guzzlers can make the title again once LTD starts rolling and he will. Brett Favre has been great even if I am tired of the written hand jobs by football sports writers. Yes he plays with emotion and verve but who gives a fuck he is a pill poppin’ hillbilly from Mississippi. The rest of his team is suspect but I’ve learned that Scotty can turn shit into manure.

4. Gerry Datillios (3-1) - Thrash Unreal (New Wave)

They don’t know nothing about redemption.
They don’t know nothing about recovery.

After a down year in 06 Craig Coughlin is looking for redemption in 07. The Gerry’s look solid despite not having much of a running game. Peyton and Plaxico have been unstoppable and have carried the team. Now that he appears to have cobbled together a decent running game he will be tough to beat. With the Cadillac finished Pittman may be a steal for the GDs.

5. Milhaven Mutiny (3-1) - White People for Peace from New Wave

Protest Songs in a response to Military Aggression.
Protest songs to try and stop the soldier's gun.
But the battle raged on......

Mutiny owner Raven Nauman has responded to the constant barbs of armchair pundits with wins. He has also been actively trash talking with the goal of being the most hated owner in the Big LFL. Milfhaven does look tough with Palmer and Barber leading the way. He also loves his two Jones backfield and their combined 31 points. He will need Harrison and Shockey to start getting some points to guarantee a playoff spot.

6. Ez Money Steelers (2-2) - Cliché Guevara from As the Eternal Cowboy

And we'll keep ourselves in a place where it's easy to hold onto.
And as the last threats came and went; this is the way that wars are played.
Always heading for a front, heading for a front, headed we go.
Into the obscurity of an easy to pass on feeling. Objection is so cliché.

The Steelers should be ranked higher but they have had their backs against the wall all season. They have had trouble matching Shane’s enormous expectations. Moss is the comeback player of the year hooked to the rejuvenation machine. Peterson and Edwards have tremendous upside potential. River may be the only chink in the Ez Money lineup but this team appears to be money in the bank.

7. Weekend at Benoit’s (3-1) - New Wave from New Wave

We can control the medium.
We can control the context of presentation.
Is there anybody on the receiving end?
Reaching out for some kind of connection.

WAB has overachieved thus far in the LFL. This season is eerily similar to 2005 when Big Ell got off to decent start only to end up out of the playoffs. Owner Big Ell must be ecstatic with the pick up of Travis Henry’s positive test and MJD’s zero TDs. He also must be over the moon with the production of Lawrence ‘Belichik hates Big Ell,’ Maroney. At least he has Jon Kitna, Shaun McDonald, Bobby Engram and Sammy Morris. Things couldn’t be better in Taiping.

8. Mean Machines (2-2) - Mediocrity Gets You Pears (The Shaker) from Searching for a New Clarity

Foul play! There's a target on the audience.
Vampires! We're only in it for the money.
Dilute! We took the movement to the market.
So Fuck Us! We totally sold out the scene.
Excite me! excite me! Nothing really excites me, there's no connection at all.

I don’t know what to make of the Machines. They look okay on paper with Gates and two great rookie WRs. But the rest of the team looks mediocre hige weeks followed by terrible weeks. Benson, Foster and Lewis epitomize this team will some great weeks from time to time but scare no one. This team could end up at the top or in the Chuck Noll Bowl.

9. Holy Rollers (1-3) - Mutiny on the Electronic Bay from As the Eternal Cowboy

it's an into the sunrise aesthetic, let's pretend this is an informed consent.
that class division doesn't make an infantry,
there is no incentive, no franchise opportunities.

The Holy Rollers are much like their owner. Written off like Barbaro, the Rollers are fighting back. It appeared that Jay had no incentive to participate but Tony the Homo is on fire and LJ will find his way. Lynch has been good but the four headed combo of Furrey, Branch, Currey and Brown is god awful. The team’s aesthetic may be ugly but there is beauty hidden.

10. Fightin Phins (2-2) - Miami (Searching for a New Clarity)

We charge into danger. No guarantees or safe places.
No one can be trusted, everyone is a suspect.
All the money's worthless. The talent is trite and exaggerated.
The food is turning, the water is poison.

Actually the Phins have some nice talent and now that Ronnie Brown is rejuvenated he may make some noise in the next 1/3 of the season. Rudi Johnson gets points when healthy and Holmes looks like a stud. I am just not sold on the rest of the guys especially Cutler and his receivers. Brandon Jacobs could make or break the Phins season.

11. Insane Clown Posse (1-3) - T.S.R. (This Shit Rules) from As the Eternal Cowboy

I start realizing all this living is just dying and if these are my friends,
if this is my home, if this is how i spend my nights,
how I communicate, and demonstrate a love of life.
My eyes roll into the back of my head, if these are the last words that I've ever said.
No I'm not ready to die just yet.

I may be performing last rites a bit early on the Insane Clown Posse but I think they are in trouble. Big Ben, the Ocho and Steve Smith may well lead this team into the Noll Bowl. I do believe that this team has too many holes at RB behind Gore. Cadillac Williams hurt the Posse but maybe just maybe Brad can turn it around.

12. Ricky Williams’ (1-3) Those Anarcho Punks Are Mysterious… from Reinventing Axel Rose

there is the elite and the dispossessed.
it's only about survival.
who has the skill to play the game for what it's worth,
and reach an obscure kind of perfection.

Stu is truly the dispossessed of the Big LFL. His QBs invariably implode and one of his backs blows out a knee or is arrested. The Williams’ have talent but are and Addai injury from thirteenth place. Drew Brees needs to get positive points for Ricky to have a shot at the playoffs.

13. Rapid City Rage (1-3) - How Low from Searching for a New Clarity

Need to dry out, take some time to clear my mind.
Before I know it here I am again, 2 o'clock in the morning.
Standing in a bar with a drink in hand. How low can you go before you can't turn around?
Seriously this is my last and final time, I'm making some big changes in my life.

The Rage were pretty cocky (trashing the Steelers) before the season began and have been paid back by the football gods. Bugler has been terrible but Shaub may help fix the season. The RBs are still atrocious and he will need Bush to live up to his potential. Big changes are needed in Rapid City.

14. Hellcatpunks (1-3) - Even At Our Worst We’re Still Better Than Most (The Roller) from Searching for a New Clarity

You can have it all.
I ain't got the heart to fight.
I'm all used up.
Total exhaustion.
Complete breakdown.

Not much to say about the Hellcatpunks. I am not even sure if they have one keeper let alone four. A long year for Dwayne.

Big LFL Season Preview

2007-09-20T20:26:00.000+08:00

Championship Caliber

These teams will try to be like my favorite Steelers Super Bowl team from 1978. Truth be told there ill never be a better NFL or LFL team than this Super Steelers team. This team went 14-2 losing at home by TD to Earl Campbell’s Oilers and by a FG to the Rams on the road. They made up for the Oilers loss by boot stomping them 34-5 in the playoffs. Then they beat the Cowboys 35-31 in the best Super Bowl ever played. There were 10 Pro Bowlers on this team: Mel Blount (db), Terry Bradshaw (qb), Joe Greene (dl), L.C. Greenwood (dl), Jack Ham (lb), Franco Harris (rb), Jack Lambert (lb), Donnie Shell (db), Lynn Swann (wr), Mike Webster (ol). It is easy to underestimate the greatness of this team but look at those names again and you will see pure greatness. Let’s see Peyton Manning try to score on this defence.

1. Seattle Tsunami 16-0

All the bottom feeders in the LFL only need to look at the Seattle Tsunami for inspiration. The defending champion went from perennial disappointment to champion because of the shrewd moves of owner Grant Canning. Rather than sit and whine he went out and made pre-draft moves to build his team. Now he looks like he is well set to defend his title and continue to do so for years to come. Grant Canning has become Bill Belichick incarnate. It will be interesting to see of he can do it without the cameras.

QB: Vince Young takes over the role of Mike Vick as the most unpredictable fantasy football player. He should do well this year and I think the Titans will be tough, good coach and a good QB. Sexy Rex is terrible but the Tsunami need him; for what, I don’t know. Jim Zorn is available and I heard Jim Krieg is making a comeback.

RB: The Tsunami have a three headed monster in Jackson, Deuce and Fast Willie. They should win weeks for Grant all by themselves. I especially love Parker who has the skills to win a rushing title. I also like Fat Lendale White to add some support. The Tsunami RBs can’t be beat, never fumble and should post 20 points each and every week.

WR: Santana Moss, Darrel Jackson and DJ Hackett will prove that the 2006 season wasn’t a fluke. All three of these guys have mad skills. Moss is a superstar and Jackson was too good for the Shithawks. Hackett will take his place and score huge points from Hasselbeck.

D: I love Ryans from Houston, he has a motor that just won’t quit! Much like my 72 Impala. The Tsunami defense may be the pick of the LFL litter. Another great year in store for the Tsunami.

2. The Newcastle Guzzlers

Scotty will be tough because of one man LTD. LTD makes the loss of Michael Vick and Yahoo picks easier to deal with. He should be able to help the Guzzlers make the playoffs and challenge for the title. He may need to make some waiver wire additions to help his team and that is not one of owner Scotty Shreiner’s strengths.

QB: Favre is old. The Packers are better. I am not sure which way to go with this. All I know is that Pennington is the backup and that spells trouble if Favre gets hurt. Strike that Favre never gets hurt he is just old.

RB: LTD. LTD, LTD, LTD, LTD and more LTD. I doubt he will be as good as he was in 2006 but Tomlinson always puts up huge numbers and 2007 should be no different. The problem with the Guzzlers is that Fred Taylor is the only other guy he has. Bye weeks may well spell doom for the Guzzlers.

WR: Holt is the fantasy version of a cold Pilsner. You always forget about his goodness but he always satisfies. Donald Driver is much the same kind of guy except he is more of a Labbat 50. Evans is the key to the Guzzlers as he needs him to turn into a Grolsch and avoid turning into a dozen Buds. I love Chris Cooley he is like a well the beer analogies are fucking old now much like Guzzler QB Favre.

D: T Guzzlers D is solid much like most teams in the LFL. I do love EJ Henderson as that was what I wanted as my nickname when I was kid but shithead stuck, fuckers.

3. Ricky Williams’

Brent Morrison has another potential championship team in 2007. He drafted well even though he didn’t make the draft. He pre-ranked with abandon and was helped by Jimmy the Greek’s granddaughter Sally the Stripper who works the coin-up strip booths in Times Square. Williams’ owner Brent Morrison has already started whining so winning can’t be far behind.

QB: Drew Brees has been a fantasy monster and all around good guy. He should put up huge numbers and hopefully prevent the Trent Green era. Trent Green is garbage and deserves to get a concussion every game. He stinks the Dolphins stink and everything he touches turns to shit; shit I tell you shit.

RB: I love Joseph Addai. He will put up super numbers in the high powered Indy offense. McGahee is also a great #2 back and should be much better than in Buffalo. The ageless Ahman Green needs to do his best Curtis Martin impression for the Williams’ to win the Chuck Noll Bowl.

WR: The Williams’ WRs might be the worst in the LFL. They have the potential to put up decent numbers but Clayton and Mason don’t have a QB. Galloway is good but I am not sold on Randle El; wait a minute he was a waiver wire pick up. I also like Watson but fear he may have also been picked up off the waiver wire.

D: The Williams’ have one of the best defenses in the LFL with six big point getters. I hope that Stu realizes that he can only start four of them.

Big LFL Season Preview

2007-09-20T20:11:00.000+08:00

Playoff Contenders

These teams are much like the Pittsburgh Steelers circa 1976. The Steelers should have won the Super Bowl but were cheated by league officials in the AFC championship game. There were 9 pro-bowlers on this 10-4 team with the best defense in the game. The pro-bowlers were: : Mel Blount (db), Glen Edwards (db), Joe Greene (dl), L.C. Greenwood (dl), Jack Ham (lb), Franco Harris (rb), Jack Lambert (lb), J.T. Thomas (db), Mike Wagner (db). The Steel curtain was so tough they made the cover of Time unlike those bitch Ravens from a few years back who were on Police blotters. This team had two 1000 yard rushers and should have been the first three-peat Super Bowl winner.

4. The Rapid City Rage

Owner Pat Harrigan made the playoffs in their inaugural LFL season and should do the same in 2007. He drafted astutely taking over form an abysmal owner and has amassed some great young talent. He should be a contender for years to come and will hopefully post more trash in 2007. Just don’t ask him for any Kraft cheese slices or all hell will break loose. Now that two weeks have passed I have realized that I may have made a mistake with this ranking.

QB: Marc Bulger is a fantasy football superstar. He puts up excellent stats but his team usually doesn’t do well. He should do well this year and has Matt Shaub as a potential super sub. I think the Texans might be a super sleeper. Big Ell always picks his keepers two weeks in.

RB: Reggie Bush will make or break the Rage season. He has all the tools but may be only the third best RB in his draft year. The problem with the Rage is a serious lack of depth. Only the Dattilios have weaker backup RBs. DeAngelo Williams is in a platoon and Anthony Thomas is well Anthony Thomas. He will need to try and find someone on the waiver wire for bye week troubles.

WR: While the Rage RBs may be a bit underwhelming, the WRs are solid if not spectacular. Boldin and Wayne usually put up huge numbers and this may be the year Wayne becomes the ‘man,’ in Indy. I also like Coles and Henderson as well seasoned backups much like the Big man’s BBQ. Jason Whitten also comes to compete from time to time like most Cowboys.

D: I don’t like the Rage D that much. Davis and Ware are overrated and play on bad defenses. Winfield and Taylor are nice pickups but I hate Roy Williams, who makes big hits but also gets burned.

5. The Insane Clown Posse

Brad Flegel was screwed by the schedule makers in 2007. They put up big point totals every week and still missed the playoffs. This caused Brad to whine like Stu Craig, I am not sure as they are both big whiners. Or I should say that Craig was when he was still alive. I am predicting that the fantasy football gods will reward Brad in 2007. He will make the playoffs with the least amount of points. Call up Vegas and tell them Big Ell said so. Owner Brad Flegel always works hard but hasn’t been as lucky as he is in the LHL where he rules.

QB: I am not sold on Matt 'I screw hot chicks' Leinart as I feel he is better at nailing B grade starlets than WR’s. I do like Big Ben to bounce back and put up decent numbers. Brad just needs to start the right one every week which is easier said than done.

RB: I love Frank Gore and he should put up excellent numbers like he did in 07. I am not sold on his backups, Cadillac Williams and Ron Dayne. Of course Williams has more potential than Dayne but he always gets hurt and killed the Phins for years. Brad must be concerned about his backfield.

WR: While the posse has a troubled backfield they are loaded at wide out. Steve Smith and Chad Johnson are both top five receivers capable of big weeks. He also has the sleeper Vincent Jackson who should be good in San Diego. Dallas Clark is also decent and puts up nice numbers.

D: Uhrlacher and Lewis are big names who put up steady numbers at LB. I also like Polamalu and Bly but doubt they will be huge points producers. Stick a fork in Trotter he’s done.

6. EZ Money Steelers

Blind faith in aging bums has been the downfall of the once mighty Steelers franchise. It seems like only yesterday that three-time LFL champion Shane Forrer was causing fear among lesser LFL owners. The mystique began to fade when he gave the Tsunami Steven Stephen Jackson for a pack of condoms and a couple of Juggs magazines. With that said the Steelers may be able to squeeze into the playoffs if his trio of former superstars can relive past glories.

QB: Philip Rivers is the key for the Steelers. The Steelers could even contend if he is the real deal. I used to like Rivers until the Bears game when he scored minus points helping me end up at the bottom of my other league that is comprised of fucking morons.

RB: The Steelers look set again at RB. Adrian Peterson looks like a stud and Big Ell will wake up sweating for years if he out performs Maroney. I am not sure if there is a worse evaluator of talent in the LFL than Big Ell. Alexander looks to be back on a tough Shithawks squad and he will have three stud backs if Clinton Portis can stay healthy. Good times in EZville.

WR: Randy Moss is the big question mark for EZ Money, he has stunk it up for years but Shane’s patience may be rewarded now that he is playing with a real QB and coach again. I also like Braylon Edwards but the Browns suck and don’t have a viable QB. Drew Bennett is a scrub who will be waived at some point. Crumpler is in the same boat as Edwards so the WR/TE position for the Steelers is a concern.

D: Shane collects defensive players like Stu collects pre-pubescent boys. Why the need for seven players when only four can start? They all are good players but so what you will always leave points on the table and drive yourself freaking crazy trying to decide who to start.

7. Gerry Dattilios

Craig Couglin appears to have lost his touch in Big Ell fantasy sports. He used to be a contender in every league and now he is a pretender. Sources say he reads too many novels when he should be scouring the waiver wire. Or maybe he has a life. One needs to only look at Shane Forrer who scours the waiver wire for hours but has only one book in his bookcase, “Why do I have two Daddys?” You must be thinking, what is your point, and like always I don’t have one. The Dattilio’s missed the playoffs for the first time in a long time in 2006. With some luck he should be back in the playoffs in 2007. Any team with Manning should do well but he will need some other guys to step up in a big way.

QB: Craig thinks Peyton Manning is the greatest QB of all time. He sure looked that way last Thursday. Wait a minute; this is supposed to be a Season Preview. Strike that from memory. Peyton Manning got lucky last season and faces a long season after getting pounded into the Indy turf by the Saints who are a shoe in for the title. Everyone is hoping for a major injury so the JP Losman era can begin in Montreal.

RB: Edgerrin James holds the key to the GD season. I thought Chester Taylor may be an effective backup but that doesn’t look likely now with Adrian Peterson running like crazy. Note to self, kill Shane. Get ready for the James-Arrington power tandem, Russ Grimm better make miracles for Craig.

WR: Craig has three excellent WRs who should put up nice numbers all season long. TJ is always underrated and you get the feeling that Fitzgerald is ready to have a monster season. I hate Burress but he looks like he will have a great season on the pass happy Giants. Kellen Winslow needs to finally live up to the hype or give it up so as to not damage his old man’s name any longer.

D: Craig has three DBs and they all look like they can put up numbers. The problem is that LBs are usually better bets week to week.

LFL Season Preview

2007-09-11T01:06:00.000+08:00

Playoff Pretenders

Every Big LFL owner knows that you need luck to go to the Chuck Noll Bowl. This group of teams is solid but will need lady luck on their side to push through into the playoffs.

The teams in this group most resemble the 1991 Pittsburgh Steelers who finished 7-9 and 2nd in the AFC Central. This Steeler team like teams in this group had talent like the two pro bowlers Rod Woodson and Greg Lloyd who is pictured for guys like Pat Harrigan who have no clue about the glory of the black and gold. This team was loaded on defense with Thomas Everett, Hardy Nickerson and Carnell Lake joining the pro bowlers. It was also the beginning of the Neil O-Donnell era and the RB tandem of Barry Foster Forrer and Merril Hoge were also involved. The WRs were lep by Stone and Lipps and saw Eric Green emerging as a star. Sadly this was the end of the Chuck Noll era and the start of the Bill Cowher era. By the way he deserves to be drown in the Allegheny river if he goes to Cleveland.

8. The Mean Machines

The Machines have relocated to Ontario and hope to bring their winning ways to Canada. Owner Ryan Davidson has a good team and will need a little luck to make it back into the playoffs. He works the waiver wire harder than most and should be back in the hunt in 2007. I have to admit that I had these guys ranked higher but the McNabb week 1 shitburger changed my mind.

QB: The Eagles need to sign Leftwich and then he and McNabb can race on their surgically repaired knees. It would be like me and Rob only that we were both linemen. I am thinking that we could beat them both at this point. Big Ell has surprising speed when drugs or alcohol are involved, Rob prefers GILF's. Machines owner Ryan Davidson is hoping that McNabb can come back and lead his team back to the playoffs. He has Delhomme and may need him to turn back the clock to 2005 and have a big year unlike last year when he destroyed Big Ell’s season in a shit storm.

RB: Cedric Benson should have a decent season replacing Thomas. The Machines have kept Benson for years and need the former Longhorn to put up a big year after jettisoning Drew and Henry. Jamal Lewis is done. He may have had some valuable but the Browns stink just ask Droughns. That is about it for the Machines which isn't a good sign for Ryan.

WR: The Machines have nice WRs. Johnson should buck the trend of terrible Lions WRs and put up big numbers. I am not so sold on Stallworth or Kennison who I think is older than my dad. I do think that Gates will have a monster year scoring huge points. He scores more than Stu at Scout Jamboree.

D: The Machines have a great defense and should score big points. Merriman is a stud as are Phillips and Hope. I am not sold on Spikes as he always gets hurts but it shouldn’t really matter as there are always good guys on the waiver wire.

9. Milhaven Mutiny/Mutineers.

The Mutiny appeared to be on their way to LFL stardom but then owner Raven Nauman got in the way. Not protecting Maroney will come back to haunt the Mutiny for years to come. With Maroney he would have been a title contender and now he will need some luck just to make the playoffs. Raven needs luck to be a lady tonight. It should also be noted that Raven picked up two kickers for the seventh consecutive year. I’ve always said that you can’t have enough kickers to excel in fantasy football.

QB: Carson Palmer is an excellent fantasy player who can put up huge numbers. His knee is fully healed and now he just needs to get traded to a decent team to fulfill his potential. Mutiny favorite Steve McNair is also back for another year of incomplete passes and fumbles. God help the Mutiny if Palmer goes down again.

RB: Thomas Jones is the most underrated fantasy back. He puts up nice numbers every year and rarely gets hurt. People are scared because he was once a Cardinal but he is a good player. Unlike Julius Jones who sucks cock. Thomas Jones may even have a better year than Maroney but Raven will be kicking himself when Jones is retired selling Viagra in a few years while Maroney is going to Disneyland. I don’t know what to make of Barber III as I hate his guts after his TDs sank my team last year. Kevin Jones was a keeper for a few years but is coming off an injury. Not much depth in Milhaven this year.

WR: Marvin Harrison is as steady as a Ghurka carrying a back pack. Hines Ward should also bounce back giving the Mutiny two stud WRs. He also has some decent depth with Berrian and Isaac Bruce, who contrary to popular opinion is still alive. He also picked up Jeremy Shockey who is guaran-fucking-teed to have a monster year now that I dumped his milquetoast ass.

D: The Mutiny have several great defensive players; like almost every other team in this league. I need to add more d-players so we can see guys like of Warren Sapp back in fantasy football.

10. The Fightin’ Phins

The Phins always seem to draft well and then shoot themselves in the foot. Owner Ryan Robinson works the waiver wire like a crack whore looking for a fix. He could be in the title hunt if a couple of his young studs finally realize their talent but I say that every year. I think I had him in the playoffs last year, that will teach me.

QB: Jay Cutler crushed many fantasy fans when he took over form Jake Plummer last year. Who can forget the agony and ecstasy of owning Plummer. One week you get 25 points and then -5 the following week. The excitement is similar to stopping in a pinto at an icy intersection. Cutler should be solid but he is from Vandy and is a Bronco, so hopefully he can follow in the Snake’s footsteps.

RB: The Phins are solid at RB with Rudi Johnson. He always puts up good numbers and comes to play. The bigger question mark is the enigma that is Ronnie Brown. The Dolphins stink and Brown has never reached his potential. A rumor there is a RB platoon happening in Miami has RRR waking at night in a cold sweat. Brandon Jacobs could be a nice 3rd back but that is about it as he is a Giant and hopefully out for the season.

WR: Javon Walker, Chris Chambers and Santonio Holmes are a nice trio in this league. Holmes is a nice sleeper and Walker always does well. Chambers is also solid but the woeful Dolphins offense may hurt his production. I experienced Trent Green first hand only two years agao when he killed the 2005 season for me.

D: The Phins have a ton of upside on defense in the first year AJT (after Jason Taylor). He has awesome DBs in Taylor and Rhodes and two great names in Kamerion Wimbley and Kawika Mitchell so I guess big things should be expected.

LFL Season Preview

2007-08-27T15:41:00.000+08:00

Playoff Dreamers

The Big LFL is the toughest fantasy football league of every fantasy football league int he world. All of the teams have talent and people usually draft well. This group of teams has talent but will need a lot of help and luck to make the playoffs.

The teams in this group most resemble the 1988 Pittsburgh Steelers. This Steelers team ended up 5-11 and had one pro bowler uber G Tunch Ilkin. This team was led by FB Merril Hoge (705 yds rushing 4.1 avg 3 tds 487 yds rec 3 tds) and Louis Lipps (50 rec 973 yds 19.5 avg 5 tds). Unfortunately for Steeler fans they also had Bubby Brister (47.3 pct 2634 yds 7.1 avg 11 tds 14 ints) and #2 receiver Dwight Stone (11 catches 196 yds 17.8 avg 1 td). This Steeler team also played with heavy hearts as Art Rooney died that year.So they have an excuse for their uncharacteristic disappointing season.

11. The Burning Balls

The Balls have talent but owner Rob G. may have done himself in by trying to multi-task during the draft. He is only able to multi task while surfing porn and watching porn. This team has talent and could make the playoffs but any team with three Raiders is doomed. Rob is also afraid of the waiver wire so he will have trouble bolstering his team. Rumor has it he is very busy molding minds which is much scarier than it sounds.

QB: Tom Brady will put up big numbers, he always does. He also takes after his coach and fathered an illegitimate child. Rob, it is 2:00 am do you know where all your kids are? He also managed to pick up Alex Smith who is a nice pick.

RB: The Balls have decided to go with a RB by committee approach in 2007. Westbrook is a player and he wisely picked up his handcuff Tony Hunt. He also managed to pick up Julius “I hate short yardage” Jones and Lamont “I done got paid” Jordan. He even managed to draft the wrong Adrian Peterson. The residents of Rosscarrock are rejoicing with Jim Jones as we speak.

WR: The Balls have a great WRs with TO and Roy Williams. He also picked up Jerry Porter who may actually play this year. Vernon Davis is also looking for a break out year. The Balls may need to pick up some other guys once Williams gets hurt, Owens goes nuts and Porter goes awol.

D: The Balls have a nice defense lead by Adrian Wilson, one of the top fantasy DBs. He also has Varbel, Woodson and Morrison to get much needed points. If someone sees Rob please ask him about has fascination with Marc Simoneau who is 30 and hasn’t had 100 tackles in four years.

12. Weekend at Benoit’s

The cripplers should be ranked higher but this franchise is run by Elliott Ulrich. There may be hope in 2007 with a strengthened team and he even appears to have some keepers. With a little luck he could move out of the shit house and into the playoffs but that probably won’t happen this team usually loses big and hopes for bad weeks by other teams in order to win.

QB: The QB position is a traditional weakness for any of Elliott’s teams. Trent Green, Jake Delhomme and David Carr have all been starting QBs over the past few years which explains the scars on Big Ell's wrists. This year shouldn’t be any different with Jon Kitna behind center. He throws tons of interceptions and is on a bad team; which is typical for Benoit.

RB: Weekend at Benoit’s has revamped their running game again. The Julius Jones era is over and Travis Henry and MJD look to score some points. The problem is that Henry is already hurt and he failed to get MJD’s handcuff Fred Taylor. Elliott also benefited by picking Maroney in the draft but he is also trying to get back after shoulder injuries. He also drafted Warrick Dunn not realizing that he was 33 and is coming off post season back surgery. Ell needs to get himself a bible and a weight room.

WR: Big Ell managed to add some terrible receivers to the perennial underachieving Andre Johnson. Terry Glenn is old and hurt much like Isaac Bruce was before and almost every one of his receivers in years past. Henderson may do well but is unproven and teammate Eric Johnson had a big 26 fantasy points last year. Owner Elliott was seen reaching for the rat poison.

D: The Big Ell D looks tough but most teams have tough defenses in the LFL. Briggs, Hawk, Tatupu, Farrior and Jones should all get some points but will it be enough for this never proud franchise.

13. The Holy Rollers

The Rollers are still smarting from Big Ell’s fuckups of 2006. Staying true to form owner Jay Unsworth decided to fuck himself in 2007. Keeping two QBs is riskier than licking toys made in China. It was tough to put the Rollers this low because they do have potential but his team is managed by Jay.

QB: Tony Romo and Matt Hasselbeck are both solid fantasy performers. They should put up decent numbers. The question is, why keep both of them? Why not roll the dice and draft one of them in the 10th or 11th round and try to trade for a real keeper? These are questions that never dawned on owner Jay Unswoth. Which is why he may end up near the cellar again.

RB: LJ keeps this team in the playoff hunt. He puts up huge numbers and is a fantasy beast. He should still produce even with his pre-season holdout. Jay must be worried that Herm Edwards will turn LJ into the 21st century version of Earl Campbell. The Rollers did look to the future by drafting Marshawn Lynch who may not have a huge year but should be great in the future. He also took a risk picking Turner so high but will be smiling if LTD gets hurt. Oh yeah and by the way Mike Anderson sucks but you can take his 20 fantasy points to the bank.

WR: Normally the Rollers like old receivers with zero upside. Now they are drafting possession guys with no wheels so change comes slow in Glenmorgan. Branch, Brown and Curry put the fear into no one except Jay. LJ Smith is a nice TE and gets decent points from time to time. With Brown and Smith, the Rollers hope Mcnabb is back.

D: Ronde Barber is a fantasy stud; unlike his twin Tiki the pussy. Jay also took a few gambles with Thomas Howard, Donte Whitner and Angelo Crowell. Gambling on 75% of your defense is never good. Call Jay and ask who these guys are because I nobody else does.

LFL Season Preview

2007-08-27T00:34:00.000+08:00

The Cellar Dwellers

Here is the first Big LFL 07 Season preview. I hope to finish before the season begins in September. I have chosen different Steeler teams to help describe each category.

The 1969 Pittsburgh team was the worst Steelers team of the modern era. After beating the Lions to start the season they rolled off 13 straight losses to finish 1-13. They scored 218 (13 of 14) points while giving up 404 (14 of 14). Teams in this category resemble the 1969 team. They may have a few pro bowlers like Joe Green at DT and Joe Jefferson at WR. But unfortunately for these teams their rosters are filled with guys like RB Dick Hoak (531 yards, 3.5 avg and 2 tds) and QB Dick Shiner (46.4 pct 1422 yards 6.8 avg 7 tds 10 ints). The only hope is that they can luck out, like the Steelers, and land a future Hall of Famer like Terry Bradshaw in the draft.

14. The Giants:

The Giants have been in free fall since Tiki Barber announced his retirement and decided he wanted to be Bryant Gumbel. It is hard to believe that this franchise was in the Chuck Noll Bowl only two years ago. The Lamont Jordan debacle didn’t help and his cast of keepers would have trouble making the Ti-Cat roster. With some luck he may end up out of the basement but like Dwayne said “It is going to be a long season!”

QB: The Giants reluctantly brought back Eli Manning to pilot the ship. He has the potential to do much better but may struggle without Barber. Even though he would never admit it. It should be noted that he was selected after JaMarcus Russell, the unsigned backup QB of the terrible Raiders. I am not sure why Russell was picked as he will surely be available in the 11th-12th round in the 2008 draft.

RB: The Giants RB situation looked ghastly but some decent drafting improved the situation. Norwood and Droughns put the fear into no one. I would be higher on Norwood if Dunne was gone from Atlanta but he should put up decent numbers on a terrible team. Brandon Jackson and Tatum Bell are the keys for the Giants. Jackson the 2nd round pick out of Nebraska should play a lot and post good numbers. He could be the steal of the draft (Maroney) or a dud (Arrington). Tatum Bell has never really lived up to his potential but seems to be in a better situation in Detroit. Rob catches crabs better than he does balls so it remains to be seen how he fits into the Martz plan in Detroit. Ladell Betts should also do well once Clinton Portis gets hurts but another 1000 yard season may be a reach.

WR: The Giants are thin at WR. Colston will need to have another huge year in 2007 and will be the target of every teams shut down corner. Cotchery had a good year in 2006 and Randy McMichael will finally need to reach his potential.

D: The Ginats defense should be decent. He will need Kampmann to post 15 sacks again. Which may be difficult considering he only had 14 career sacks before his big year last year. He may end up like the old GB d lineman KGB on the missing person’s list. Karlos Dansby, Walt Harris and Terrel Suggs are all solid picks.

The Cost of Fantasy Football

2007-08-23T16:13:00.000+08:00

Here is an article on the cost of fantasy football. They say the average players spends 5.2 hours a week playing. Well, I say this is conservative, Big Ell spends 5.2 hours a day and I always end up at the bottom of the league.

1st Pick in 2008

2007-08-23T11:49:00.000+08:00

Here is a clip of Darren McFadden from Arkansas. He should be the top pick in the LFL in 2008.

Potential Players

2007-08-22T14:30:00.001+08:00

In an effort to help the lazy Big LFL owners I am listing some of the top players available for this weekend's draft according to Yahoo
.
Quarter Backs
Vince Young HOU #63, Jon Kitna DET #72, Philip Rivers SD #87, Jay Cutler DEN #95 and Matt Leinart AZ #100

Running Backs:
Laurence Maroney NE #8, Brandon Jacobs NYG #16, Marshawn Lynch [R] BUF #34, Cadillac Williams TB #38, Jamal Lewis CLE #43, Marion Barber DAL #48 , Ahman Green HOU #49, and Adrian Peterson MIN #50.

Wide Receivers
TJ Houszmandzadeh CIN #28, Roy Williams DET #33, Anquan Boldin AZ #40, Lee Evans BUF #41, Hines Ward #52, Plaxico Buress NYG #53 and Calvin Johnson DET #54,

Tight Ends
Todd Heap BAL #69, Tony Gonzales KC #70, Chris Cooley WASH #73, Jeremy Shockey NYG #74, Kellen Winslow CLE #77 and Vernon Davis SF #78.

Defensive Line/Line Backers
London Fletcher WASH, Jason Taylor MIA, Demarcus Ware DAL, Bart Scott BAL, Brian Uhrlacher CHI, Keith Morrison OAK, Adalius Thomas NE, James Farrior PIT, Will Witherspoon STL, AJ Hawk GB, Julian Peterson SF, Ray Lewis BAL and Lofa Tatupu SEA.

Defensive Backs
Champ Bailey DEN, Chris Hope TEN, Kerry Rhodes NYJ, Jermaine Philips TB, Charles Woodson GB, Sean Jones CLE, Walt Harris CHI and Brian Dawkins PHA.

Big LFL Keepers

2007-08-22T13:04:00.000+08:00

Here is the list of Protected players for the 07 Big LFL Season, draft order and a little analysis on the side.

1st Weekend at Benoit's
RB T. Henry, RB M.J.Drew, WR A. Johnson, LB L. Briggs

Weekend at Benoit's look to be much stronger after making deals for Henry and MJD. With the first pick they will add another stud to the team. The Cripplers look to the bible as inspiration to move from the outhouse to the penthouse.

2nd EZ MONEY Steelers
RB S. Alexander, RB C. Portis, WR R. Moss, LB K. Bulluck

EZ Money looks good if they can stay healthy. Injuries decimated the Steelers in 2006 and they hope to bounce back. It will be another long year if Portis and Alexander get hurt again. Not protecting rising star Philip Rivers may also come back to haunt EZ MONEY.

3rd Fightin' Phins
RB R. Brown, RB R. Johnson, WR J. Walker, DB S. Taylor

The Phins season rests on Cam Cameron and the Dolphins offense; this keeps owner RRR up all night with his bong. RRR really needs Brown to step up and gain 1400 yards with 10 TDs. This columnist was surprised when the Phins jettisoned Jason Taylor in favor of Sean Taylor.

4th Giants
RB J. Norwood, RB R. Droughns, WR M. Colston, DL A. Kampmann

The Tiki Barber retirement set the Giants franchise back into expansion mode. He also rolled up a number when Warrick Dunn made a miraculous comeback from injury. He may just play out the season with the hopes of landing Darren Mcfadden next year.

5th Gerry Datillos
QB P. Manning, RB E. James, WR L. Fitzgerald, LB Z. Thomas

The Datillios should be back to contending status if the Cardinals are improved. James is the key for a return to the playoffs for Coughlin. Let's hope that Craig makes the draft and doesn't mail in the season like he did in baseball which was very uncharacteristic.

6th Burning Balls (chosen by the commish)
QB T. Brady, RB B. Westbrook, WR T. Owens, DB A. Wilson

Any team with Brady, Westbrook and Owens as the core should be a contender but we are talking about the Balls . Rob is normally at the bottom of Big Ell pools because he fails to participate and appears to be afraid of the waiver wire. Look for more sub-mediocrity from the Balls.

7th Insane Clown Posse
RB F. Gore, WR. C. Johnson (cin.), WR S. Smith, DB T. Polamalu

The ICP look poised to rebound from a disappointing 2006 season. He should be solid with this quartet and will surely blame the schedule makers if things go awry. Brad always comes prepared and should be able to fill out his roster and get into the playoffs.

8th Holy Rollers
QB T. Romo, QB M. Hasselbeck, RB L. Johnson, DB R. Barber

The Rollers will be solid with newly signed LJ but league analysts are puzzled as to why he kept two QBs. But when you look at his roster you realize that pickings were slim. This writer was expecting him to be the first LFL owner to keep a kicker, Neil Rackers. The Rollers roster is uglier than Bishop Carrol cheerleaders.

9th Rapid City Rage
QB M. Bulger, RB R. Bush, WR R. Wayne, LB A. Davis

The Rage burst onto the scene last year and made the playoffs. Pat Harrigan used the luck of the Irish and Big Ell stupidity to steal Bush. Bush should be even better in 2007 and the Rage franchise is on the upswing. This panelist is hoping for more cutting posts by the surprisingly well spoken Harrigan.

10th Milhaven Mutiny
QB C. Palmer, RB T. Jones, WR M. Harrison, LB C. June

The Mutiny should be tough in 2007 but would have been a title contender with Maroney on board. Owner Raven Naumann has been in these leagues long enough to know that 22 year old RBs on title contenders don't grow on trees. Big Ell is happier than Shane Forrer was when Jon Bon Jovi cut his hair.

11th Mean Machines
QB D. McNabb, RB C. Benson, TE A. Gates, LB S. Merriman

The Machines rolled the dice with McNabb this year but should be able to field a playoff contender. Benson is the key and this scribe predicts a big season for the former Longhorn. He also has the best TE and the D player if he can manage to stay off the juice or keep himself cleaner than Rob G.

12th Ricky Williams'
QB D. Brees, RB J. Addai, RB W. McGahee, LB D. Edwards

Stu has assembled the base for what should be another title contender. He has also further vindicated arch enemy Craig Coughlin by keeping Brees. This journalist looks forward to many post-draft comments from Stu proclaiming that his team is garbage.

13th Newcastle Guzzlers
RB L. Tomlinson, WR T. Holt, WR D. Driver, LB A. Pierce

The Guzzlers look to win the title with LDT back. Also look for many PETA hypocrites in the stands supporting his decision to remove Vick from the payroll. Guzzler owner Scotty is the classiest owner in these leagues and this writer thinks he is due a football title.

14th Seattle Tsunami
RB S. Jackson, RB W. Parker, RB D. McAllister, LB D. Ryans

The Tsunami look set to defend the title with their troika of great backs. Grant Canning finally got the respect of his peers with a title in 2006. He has a great chance of doing it again in 2007 if he can avoid bad drafting which normally dooms Canning in Big LFL leagues.

Big Ell MLB Expansion Draft

2007-03-26T22:17:00.000+08:00

The expansion draft took place today with the new teams looking good coming into their inaugral Big Ell MLB seasons.

Tai-Pan had the first pick and took Alfonson Soriano who is a fantsay monster. He is joined in the outfield by Ichiro and Jemaine Dye in what could be the best outfield in the Big Ell. Garett Atkins was also another fine pickup.

The Shiretowners are also looking good with perenial all-star Michael Young joining reigning NL Cy Young Brandon Webb. Paul Konerko is another solid pick while the Shiretowners went out on a bit of limb choosing OF Alex Rios.

The angriest owner has to be Ryan Davidson of the defending champion Taiwan E's who lost three players Young, Atkins and Rios. Rumors were flying that a deal was about to be made with the Montana Astros but nothing was completed.

Big L MLB Protected Players 2007

2007-03-25T01:29:00.000+08:00

Fights of the Month

2007-02-12T00:08:00.000+08:00

Here are the two scraps between the Flames' Erik Godard and the Wild's Derek Boogaard.
I give Godard the first and a draw in the second.
In the second fight you can see hockey's biggest pussy Boogaard try some cheap stuff.
Big Ell predicts that Godard beats him within an inch of his life the next time they meet.

Hits of the Month

2007-02-11T14:43:00.000+08:00

Here are the Biggest Hits of January from NHL.com. Some excellent open ice hits and a great hip check by Bergeron on Yelle. My hit of the month is from Ryan Clowe followed closely by Francois Beauchemin. Which one do you think is the best?

Sports Science

2007-02-11T14:38:00.000+08:00

This is the funniest clip from willitblend.com
, hockey pucks. Will they blend? Check out the video clip and see.

Best Hits of December

2007-01-05T01:46:00.000+08:00

Here are the hits of the month from the NHL.
Personally I think the neil hit was the best.
Apparently he is the NHL hit leader.
Too bad that Yahoo doesn't have that category in fantasy hockey.

Boise State

2007-01-04T00:40:00.000+08:00

I live in the land of shit so was unable to see this game.
This highlight package is unfuckingbelievable.

Two Line Pass

2006-11-30T23:15:00.000+08:00

I stumbled across this site which looks promising of for fantasy hockey junkies.
It is called the Hockey Recap and has a ton of hockey stats based on Bill James Sabemetrics.
The site creator said:

I am trying to do something similar with ice-o-metrics in hopes of raising awareness about hockey statistics and perhaps even changing the landscape of how we look at the numbers.

All I know is that I am all for it and hope it can help me win my first Big LHL title. I have added a link to the sidebar.

Hit of the Week

2006-11-25T01:04:00.000+08:00

Here is the hit by Willie Mitchell on Johan Franzen that has Bob McKenzie in a tizzy.
It is a hard hit but that's what hockey is all about, hitting hard.

Two Line Pass

2006-11-25T00:24:00.000+08:00

Picture borrowed from http://finance.sauder.ubc.ca/

It looks like this movie will show that the Toronto Maple Leafs do indeed suck. It is sure to be a favorite of every in the closet and out of the closet Leaf fan.

The team and the NHL have given permission for their logos to be used in a movie called "Breakfast With Scot."

The producers call it "a thoughtful comedy," about a gay ex-Leaf and his partner, the team's lawyer, whose lifestyle and relationship are turned upside down when they become the guardians of "a budding queen of an 11-year-old boy."

Can't wait to see. Hopefully it will have cameos with other ex-Leafs like Tie Domi and Doug Gilmour who incidentally are both gay.

Big Ell Sports

2006-11-24T00:02:00.000+08:00

In case you haven't noticedI have updated the layout of the blog for the enjoyment of you, my readers. I have updated the Big Ell league winners on the sidebar. I have also included a few more links to other good sites for sports information. I haven't posted NBA or NHL previews so you will have to make due with my burgening collection of hockey fights. I am planning on some more quality posts so please keep coming back for more.

The Best Fights of Last Night

2006-11-23T23:15:00.000+08:00

It is American Thanksgiving and I am giving thanks to Youtube for having the Trashers and Capitals brawl from last night. Five fights in about 30 seconds! Vishnevski vs Brashear is the first and Donald feeds him a bloody lunch and Mellanby speed bags Heward to end the smorgasbord of fights.

The Best Fight of Last Month

2006-11-15T13:01:00.000+08:00

Now that I am watching more hockey again I am back into the grove. I didn't know much about Derek "the bogeyman," Boogaard until a few days ago. There are a number of his fights on Youtube. He KOs a bunch of smaller guys but I was waiting to see how he would do against someone closer to his size. Well here is Brian McGrattan vs Derek Boogaard, what did you think?

The Best Fight of Last Night

2006-11-14T02:45:00.000+08:00

Short and sweet. Dapper Donald Brashear pounds on Colton Orr. Maybe not the best fight but good enough.

Hit of the Week

2006-11-12T17:04:00.000+08:00

I was looking for the Phaneuf hit on Getzlaf but it isn't up anywhere yet.
Anyway, here is a clip of Phaneuf destroying Hamel last month.
Plus it's in French so it's classy.

The Best Fight of Last Night

2006-11-12T16:44:00.000+08:00

Ottawa's McGrattan vs. Pittsburgh's Cairns. This is the first time i've seen McGrattan fight and he does a good job. Cairns can sure take a licking and not even flinch.

The Best Fight of Last Night

2006-11-09T23:43:00.000+08:00

"This is Gladiator II!"
Matthew Barnaby vs. Brad Ference. This is a nice fight clocking in at almost 90 seconds. Ference and Barnaby both get in some great shots. Who was the winner?

The Best Fight of Last Night

2006-11-05T23:00:00.000+08:00

Here is a pretty good fight from last night with Aaron Asham (Islanders) vs. Cam Janssens (Devils). You gotta love what Teddy Nolan is doing with the Islanders. Who was the winner?

LHL 06 Keeper List

2006-09-30T01:53:00.000+08:00

M. Sundin (Tor - C)	Red Shirts	D. Heatley (Ott - LW,RW)		Frozen Tundra
S. Niedermayer (Anh - D)	Red Shirts	M. Savard (Atl - C)		Frozen Tundra
M. Ryder (Mon - RW)	Red Shirts	D. Sedin (Van - LW)		Frozen Tundra
S. Gomez (NJ - C)	Red Shirts	M. Naslund (Van- C)		Frozen Tundra
C. Huet (Mon - G)	Red Shirts	M. Fernandez (Min- G)		Frozen Tundra
A. Tanguay (Col - LW)	Taichung MightyFucks	J. Thornton (SJ - C)		Tiajuana Tokers
S. Horcoff (Edm - C)	Taichung MightyFucks	O. Jokinen (Fla - C)		Tiajuana Toker
A. Hemsky (Edm - RW)	Taichung MightyFucks	M. Kiprusoff (Cgy - G)		Tiajuana Toker
T. Bertuzzi (Van - RW)	Taichung MightyFucks	H. Lundqvist (NYR - G)		Tiajuana Toker
D. Roloson (Edm - G)	Taichung MightyFucks	P. Elias (NJ - C,LW)		Tiajuana Toker
J. Iginla (Cgy - RW)	Pekka Rautakalios	I. Kovalchuk (Atl - LW)		EZMONEY CHIEFS
M. Schneider (Det - D)	Pekka Rautakalios	H. Zetterberg (Det - LW)		EZMONEY CHIEFS
P. Bergeron (Bos - C)	Pekka Rautakalios	N. Lidstrom (Det - D)		EZMONEY CHIEFS
M. Hejduk (Col - RW)	Pekka Rautakalios	P. Forsberg (Phi - C)		EZMONEY CHIEFS
M. Legace (Det - G)	Pekka Rautakalios	M. Havlat (Ott - LW,RW)		EZMONEY CHIEFS
S. Crosby (Pit - C)	Pikes Place Flying Fish	K. LehtonenDTD (Atl - G)		Tikis
E. Staal (Car - C)	Pikes Place Flying Fish	M. Hossa (Atl - RW)		Tikis
S. Gonchar (Pit - D)	Pikes Place Flying Fish	J. Sakic (Col - C)		Tikis
M. Denis (Cls - G)	Pikes Place Flying Fish	B. McCabe (Tor - D)		Tikis
M. Fleury (Pit - G)	Pikes Place Flying Fish	P. Demitra (LA - C,RW)		Tikis
J. Jagr (NYR - RW)	Bo Ho Blackouts	J.Spezza	(Ott- C)	Fulong Flames
S. Gagne (Phi - LW)	Bo Ho Blackouts	B. Gionta	(NJ- RW)	Fulong Flames
J. Pitkanen (Phi - D)	Bo Ho Blackouts	R. Nash	(Col-RW)	Fulong Flames
T. Vokoun (Nsh - G)	Bo Ho Blackouts	P. Marleau	(SJ-C)	Fulong Flames
R. Luongo (Fla - G)	Bo Ho Blackouts	K. Giguere	(Ana-G)	Fulong Flames
D. Alfredsson (Ott - RW)	The DaMing Dynamos	A. Ovechkin (Was - LW)		Montreal Smoked Meat
R. Dipietro (NYI- G)	The DaMing Dynamos	V. Lecavalier (TB - C)		Montreal Smoked Meat
P. Kariya (Nsh - LW)	The DaMing Dynamos	M. Gaborik (Min - LW,RW)		Montreal Smoked Meat
W. Redden (Ott - D)	The DaMing Dynamos	C. Ward(Col- G)		Montreal Smoked Meat
C. Pronger (Edm - D)	The DaMing Dynamos	R. Miller (Buf- G)		Montreal Smoked Meat
J. Cheechoo (SJ - RW)	Burning Drips	T. Selanne (Anh - RW)		Swift Current Spazz
D. Phaneuf (Cgy - D)	Burning Drips	P. Datsyuk (Det - C)		Swift Current Spazz
M. Afinogenov (Buf - RW)	Burning Drips	B. Richards (TB - C)		Swift Current Spazz
L. Nagy (Pho - LW)	Burning Drips	M. Brodeur (NJ - G)		Swift Current Spazz
M. Turco (Dal - G)	Burning Drips	M. Gerber (Ott- G)		Swift Current Spazz

Between Periods

2006-09-23T17:26:00.000+08:00

Here are a few clips that I have collected over the past few months, check them out. The baseball finale should be up in one week. The LHL season preview should be out in the next 2-3 weeks.

Check out this clip of a chick blowing a guy up high at a Nationals Game, from Deadspin.

From the Phat Phree here is feature called ‘That guy is still playing.'

Take a look at the top ten drug incidents in sports. I am hoping Bam is in the 3.

Fox sports gives their Top ten Sports Blowups

Some Hockey Fights

2006-09-17T23:38:00.000+08:00

Here are some hockey fights to wet your appetite until the new season begins. Tucker-Peca is a helluva nice fight.

LFL Season Preview 3

2006-09-17T22:34:00.000+08:00

Big Ell’s fearless Big LFL Predictions 2006 part 3.

Playoff Contenders

1. Gerry Dattilios (11-3)
Everybody hates Craig and Craig hates everybody but he is the champion so he has to be the favorite going into 2006. This writer does not believe his claims of NFL indifference. My source claims to see Craig waiting in line buying the TSN Fantasy football annual from the Kotel Hebrew Book & Gift Store every August. Another source places Craig at the Club Super Sex watching the Sunday Ticket while enjoying a steak sandwich from September to January.
QB: Any team with Peyton Manning will be in the title hunt. He should put up even more points this year without the Edge. He should put up even better numbers now that the Colts have scrubs in the backfield. The third best QB to never win a title is a fantasy stud.
RB: Edge James is on a Cards team without a decent o-line. That said he should still pile up points and maybe a few extra TDs. Rhodes could be the kind of steal that keeps Craig in title contention year in and year out or he will trade him to Brad for Steve Smith. Some think JJ Arrington is a project I say he is shite and third string at best.
WR: Larry Fitzgerald is great and should put up another big year even with Warner as his QB. Craig really thinks that Brees is going to light it up again with Horn as the recipient. He is also very happy that Stallworth went to pass happy Philly.
D: With the exception of Adaleus Thomas the GD d looks old. But they should be good enough to score enough points for the GD.

2. Hou Chang Giants (10-4)
The Giants were surprise finalists last year but there will be no surprise if they return to the Chuck Noll Bowl in 2006. Dwayne has assembled a top-notch team and benefited greatly from Big Ell’s moment of mental masturbation, the draft.
QB: Eli will make or break the Giants. He did well last year when he was rolling but hid the skids when he floundered. He should put up some decent numbers during the regular season with a great offence in New York.
RB: I though Tiki Barber was done last year. That is why I always finish near the bottom of this league. That said Brandon Jacobs will steal some TDs from Tiki and curse Dwayne. Lamont Jordan is good but should face 8 man fronts with Brooks running the show in Oaktown. The Giants have loaded up on no-name backups so Dwayne has little depth
WR: The Giants return with a shaky WR crew, Boldin is gone and Lloyd and Porter are duds. Jackson is always hurt so this is a weak Giants position. Luckily for the Giants the WR position is the easiest to fill on a fantasy football roster.
D: Dwayne has an established group of solid defenders led by Dansby and Vilma. He is also expecting a ton of sacks from Strahan and Coleman.

3. Taiwan Mean Machines (9-5)
The Mean Machines missed the draft but ended up with a very good team. Ryan is a tough competitor in the Big LFL and 2006 shouldn’t be any different. He should make the playoffs and another title is possible with a little luck.
QB: McNabb does well when he is healthy but the Machines lucked into Leftwich. When McNabb eventually gets hurt he will have a decent back-up. He has one of the better tandems in the LFL. Ryan will need to pick the right one every week to make the playoffs.
RB: The Machines have many question marks at RB in the LFL. Benson is 2nd string and M. Bell may be the second best Bell on is team. His season may be saved when DeShaun Foster eventually goes down and the DeAngelo Williams era begins.
WR: What was a major weakness in 2005 may be the strength for the Machines in 2006. Boldin is a great player when he is healthy. TE Gates is th best in the business but may suffer a bit of a hit with Rivers at QB. Jones is a major sleeper who should blossom and Lelie may finally be the WR Vick is looking for or an overpaid diva. McCardell and Bruce will need to avoid father time for the Machines to roll.
D: The Machines D is weaker than Rob’s left knee. Trotter is the only stud on this team. The pick-up of Rodney Harrison could be the key for the Machines defense.

4. The Fightin’ Phins (9-5)
Ryan R. is a tough competitor in LFL leagues. In between bong sessions he manages to build decent teams. He took the knives out of the oven long enough to draft a playoff contending team. Ryan R. is a master of cloak and dagger activity evidenced by last season’s skullduggery. The fantasy gods will pay him back this year with plenty of torn ACLs and MCLs.
Offence:
QB: Ryan has decided that QB is not important this year by keeping the Card’s QB tandem. You will learn soon the wrath of Warner. He will win a few games and kill you in a few games. Good times for the Phins this year
RB: The Phins have a wealth of talent at the RB position. Rudi Johnson’s new Fu Manchu mustache makes a 1500 yard season a certainty. Ronnie Brown and the Caddilac will continue to develop. The key is Warrick Dunn who never gets old and always puts up a myriad of points.
WR: The Phins have solid WRs. Moulds, Mason and Walker all could have decent years. On the other hand, Carr, McNair and Plummer are passing to them. It looks like feast or famine for the Phins this year. The Phins have a wildcard in Vernon Davis. He could end up as a huge point producer from the TE position.
Defense:
The Phin defense is loaded with point makers. The Taylors, Witherspoon, Tatupu and Spikes put up good numbers week in and weak out.

5. EZ Money Steelers (9-5)
The Steelers were the traditional powers of the Big LFL winning early and often. The Steelers dominance wanes with every draft and culminated with a boot stomping by the Balls in last season’s playoffs. He should still make the playoffs but 1 and out is the likely result. Shane’s love of troublemakers and malcontents may have doomed this once proud franchise to Flegel-like mediocrity. Just mediocrity, baby
QB: Shane bringing back Trent Green harkens back to a more innocent time with the Steelers. When they were a threat to win the league and had multiple major players. I am not sure whom Shane actually drafted but the Philip Rivers era has officially started for Shane. God help us all if ends up like Dan Fouts I am praying for Ryan Leaf. I heard that EZ Money favorite Brooks is still available.
RB: Shawn Alexander is a stud and will have another great year. He willed the Steelers into the playoffs himself last year. Does he have another 30 TD season in him this year? I don’t think so. Clinton Portis should have an even better year once he gets healthy; piling up yards and hopefully for Shane more TDs. Jamal Lewis could eb the steal of the draft if he can stay away from the buffet line and out of jail.
WR: The WR position is a major weakness for EZ Money. Moss has talent but he does not have a QB. Williamson and Clayton are young and he will need one of them to come up big. Winslow could be the key for EZ Money is he stays off his motorbike and keeps catching TD balls.
D: It looks like EZ Money has the best D in the league. Polamalu, Reed and Bullock never disappoint. If Ray Lewis is back and can stay healthy, it could be a long year for the rest of the league.

6. Rapid City Rage (8-6)
Newcomer Pat ‘Luck of the Irish,’ Harrigan benefited the most from dimwitted Big Ell’s draft day blunder. He didn’t even attend the draft and EZ MONEY may have picked a contender for him. Getting Bush makes the newcomer Rage a contender for years to come. Word on the street is that Pat paid for Bush’s whores in college; if true he will be removed from the rage roster and re-enter the draft next year.
QB: The Rage has a decent fantasy QB in Matt Bulger. He needs to stay healthy and avoid the post Mike Martz letdown that plagues fantasy QBs who stop throwing every down and actually hand off to their stud backs. Pat is in big trouble if Brad Johnson is running the show for most of the year.
RB: Pat has his RB of the future in Reggie Bush who will end up being a fantasy stud for years to come. Foster has a ton of potential but his ankles are eerily reminiscent of Pat’s. Both should have drunk more milk as children. If Ahman Gado can play well we could see the Rage in the playoffs.
WR: The Rage appears set at WR with Reggie Wayne and Chris Chambers. Throw in Lavern Coles and LJ Smith and the Rage have the best depth in the league.
D: The Rapid City D is filled with solid point getters. Fletcher, Thomas, Farrior and Davis are usually good for 8-9 points a gamee. They are also quite fond of Granny’s G Spot, which makes Pat happy.

LFL Season Preview 2

2006-09-16T17:07:00.000+08:00

Here is part 2 of the Big LFL 2006 Season Preview.

7. I Love Bush (7-7)
Brad was bitter about his fucking draft position. To get revenge he decided to draft a fucking average team. With some more luck, he should make the playoffs but he’ll end up getting fucked. Although this writer was pleased to know that, he really loves Pussy, Reggie and Barbara’s Bush.
RB: It was a great idea for I love Bush to keep Kevin Jones he has potential. His upside is 500 yards and double digit fumbles. The moral of the story is, never draft a RB on a team with Mike Martz as his offensive coordinator. Apart from the ongoing Jones debacle Brad did well picking up Taylor and Gore. Big Ell will rue the day he didn’t keep Taylor after listening to Stu disparage him. Frank Gore should score big points for Bush all year long.
WR: Steve Smith is a stud but this is an even numbered year so may be hurt all year. If he is absent, Chad Johnson should make up for the absence with another huge year. Wilford has been looking to break out for a while too. Taking Branch was a gamble, but he should end up in Seattle, you read it here first.
D: The I love Bush Defense is looser than a homeless Calgarian after a winter cold spell. Peterson is a good but he will need the others to step.

8. Newcastle Guzzlers (6-8)
Scotty would have been set because of stupid Big Ell’s draft fuck up. In typical Big Ell fashion, he still managed to screw the Guzzlers by not keeping Pierce for him. This prevented Newcastle from picking up Reggie Bush.
QB: Roger Vick again proves that Scott is a glutten for punishment. Maybe this is the year he becomes more consistent. Vick needs to stay healthy as Brett Favre looks to head a terrible Packers team this year.
RB: LT, LT, LT has been killing me for years in fantast football. He should be the top point getter in fantasy in 2006. Tomlinson better not get hurt because the bench is bare with Brown and Alstott.
WR: The Guzzlers look to have some decent fantasy potential at WR. Holt is a fantasy workhorse capable of big numbers in St. Louis. Driver is an excellent secondary WR and expect vetarans like Galloway and Toomer to contribute. Witten rounds out the receiving core.
D: Pierce and Burgess lead the D and have the ability to put up some nice numbers. The Guzzlers can expect some decent numbers on defence.

9. Milhaven Mutineers (5-9)
The Mutineers lost out on Bush because of boneheaded Big Ell but may have a slightly better than normal team this year. He found some depth at WR and RB for his team. Moreover, he can whine about how he was fucked, but he won’t, he’s not from Calgary which is a pre-requisite for bitching and moaning in Big L leagues.
QB: The Mutineers should finally win some games this year if Carson Palmer is truly healthy. He put up monster yards last year and looks set to be a fantasy stud for years to come. It may take Palmer a few games but multiple 20 and 30 point weeks are coming. McNair is a solid backup but he also has trouble staying healthy.
RB: This position has been the downfall for Milhaven in recent years. Getting Bush sure would have been great. Getting Maroney from NE may end up being the steal of the draft especially if he gets the starting position. Thomas Jones is in the opposite situation trying to fend off Benson in Chicago but he should still have a good year. Milhaven will score points from the backfield unlike in past years.
WR: With no backfield in Indy, Harrison should put up enormous numbers this season. If one of Keyshawn Johnson, Eddie Kennison or Reggie Brown has a good year, he should be rolling. Reggie Brown is hurt most by Stallworth going to Philly.
D: Dawkins, June and Taylor lead a rejuvenated D in Milhaven. These guys have bust out potential for sure.

10. Burning Balls (5-9)
The Burning Balls made the playoffs last year despite the Philadelphia Eagles implosion. He is banking on Owens and Westbrook again which is a big gamble. The leader in racial slurs and spelling mistakes hopes to build on last season’s playoff run and return to the playoffs.
QB: Tom Brady is the perfect QB for any of Rob’s team. He is the pretty boy that Rob likes to bugger before games. He also picked up Vince Young for a little Salt N’ Pepper action
RB: The best thing about Brian Westbrook is that as he gets older he plays fewer and fewer games. Robbie loves 5’8” RBs who sjould be 3rd down specialists. The best thing about drafting Westbrook is finding a young stud to back him up, you know a guy like Fred Taylor. Fred Taylor goes down more than Rob on his 14 year old boyfriend.
WR: It must be fate that TO still factors into the eventual Balls demise. Every year Rob puts his gray matter in the cooler, much like TO. A match made in fantasy heaven. He does have that Houshmandzadeh fella and another injury prone all potential guy Braylon Edwards.
D: Rob has managed to assemble a D that looks just like him, old and white. Too bad it’s 2006 and not 1996 for Ron and his D.

Hit of the Week

2006-09-14T23:37:00.000+08:00

I am just taking a break from the Season Preview to send this shutout to Shane. This was the sweetest sight of week 1; Trent Green getting smacked on a borderline cheap hit. That bum did nothing for me last year and may not do too much for you this year too.

Big LFL 2006 Preview

2006-09-11T00:56:00.000+08:00

Here is part 1 of the Big LFL season preview. I hope to have parts 2 and 3 out before thanksgiving.

11. Seattle Tsunami (5-9)
Grant had a tough night during the draft. First, he ends up with the last pick because of the moronic Big Ell. Then Scotty fails to show up on time and he ends up with a shitty team and no Shithawks. Another playoff less year is coming.
QB: Grant thought he could win without Hasselbeck and now he has Big Ben and Brooks. With Big Ben’s accident and Aaron Brooks’ IQ the Tsunami QBs should have half a brain this year, combined. It looks like more good times for the Tsunami this year.
RB: Seattle could defy the odds and make the playoffs if his three running back keepers pan out. Willie Parker is speedy, Steven Jackson a workhorse and Deuce is an injury prone platoon back on a weak team. He does have Samkon Gado who could be a sleeper once Favre takes the fork out of Ahman Green’s back.
WR/TE: Grant has some talent at WR. Hines Ward is a fantasy stud and Santana Moss is capable of a huge year but they usually occur in odd numbered years. Stokley and Curtis are interesting in that they are white WRs but they will never be mistaken for Steve Largent or Brian Kelly for that matter.
D: It will be interesting to see how the Tsunami defense reacts without their catalyst Dwight Freeney. Uhrlacher is the key and he always may need Porter to run back INTs for TDs each week.

12. Holy Rollers (4-10)
The Rollers lost the 2nd pick because of Big Ell’s ineptitude. That didn’t stop him from working hard to pick another non-playoff team. The wave never makes it past the 20 yard line in Unsworth Stadium. Jay also really likes kickers taking Rackers not realizing that the Cards may not have to settle for many 50-yard field goals this year.
QB: The Drew Bledsoe era appears to be over for Jay with Matt ‘Hair Club For Men,’ Hasselbeck taking over. The Tsunami never made the playoffs with Matt and that should continue with the Rollers. I should have left him with Collins.
RB: LJ LJ LJ LJ LJ LJ!!!! LJ was a sweet pick last year and should continue to pay dividends this year. Bell may put up big yards without any TDs. If White is this years LJ I may actually quit this league or I might be forced to stop masturbating.
WR/TE: Jay loves old WRs so he picked up Rod Smith and sought Muhsin Muhammed’s return. Clayton is young and has potential but Stevans is hurt and couldn’t catch herpes in the Cecil Hotel bathroom. Nate Burleson was a keeper, to bad it was last year and by Milhaven.
D: The Rollers have a nice D. Merriman could be a stud and Freeney was a great late round pick, the Tsunami are still pissed.

13. Ricky Williams’ (3-11)
Oh how the once mighty have fallen in the Big LFL. Stu parlayed the Ricky Williams’ dope sabbatical into an improbable title run two years ago. With a backfield of Willis McGahee, Domanick Davis, Rudi Johnson and Tiki Barber, quarterbacked by Daunte Culpepper he looked to be set for years to come. Two years later McGahee plays on a terrible Bills team, Culpepper has Steve Austin’s knee and Davis appears to be out for the year. Johnson and Barber both look like 1000 yard backs and Stu can’t stop throwing up in his mouth.
QB: If only Stu had listened years ago. Cursed with Daunte, Ricky rode Brees to a title. He had Brees again last year and almost survived the Culpepper Hall of Fame Fantasy meltdown to make the playoffs. There may be hope if he rides Brees again, cuz everyone knows Stu likes riding.
RB: If he had kept Tiki and Rudi, Stu would be very happy and able to dish smack on Craig his mortal enemy. There is still hope if McGahee can realize pre knee injury potential and Addai takes over with panache in Indy. Not likely the last laugh will be with Craig this year.
WR/TE: Miller looks like he is going to have a breakout year. That is good news for Stu, Burress and Glenn at the wide out position spell doom. He must be thanking his lucky stars that he has Antonio Bryant, Mr. Missed Potenial.
D: Stu has a solid defense. The bad thing is that most teams do. Donnie Edwards needs to come up HUGE again.

14. The Deadenders (2-12)
Big Ell changed the team name from Stampeders to Typhoons hoping to muster the power of a Typhoon to draft a winning team. Then he changed to a name more reflective of his team’s true potential, the Deadenders. Must punters point to poor drafting as the leading cause of Big Ell’s upcoming poor LFL season.
QB: Jake the Caroline via New Orleans garter snake Delhomme needs to put up big numbers or the David Carr era begins. David Carr fucking sucks and he is still on my team for fuck all. Hey, Shane do you still think Carr is a potential super-duper star.
RB: Keeping Julius Jones and drafting Corey 'Fantsay Killin' Dillon leads to the inevitable question, what the fuck was I thinking? Two players that are fumble away from a platoon or worse a pinkie injury away from the IR. I also failed to pick up there back-ups which proves that I am a moron. All hope isn’t lost yet, Kevan Barlow is in a four player platoon on the league worst Jets.
WR: Roy Williams and Andre Johnson have the potential to be solid young point performers. They are also team capitains and a big part of the always hurt and never play hurt Big Ell Stars. Throw in Drew Bennett as the token cracker WR and Big Ell is set for years. Oh yeah I still have Shockey, he sure has brought this team glory for fuck all.
D: Keeping with the mixed tenses of this preview I managed to draft a decent defense. So I guess I have that going for me.

Big LFL Keepers 2006

2006-08-25T09:51:00.000+08:00

Here are the Big LFL 2006 Keepers. This is also the draft order.

1. Milhaven Mutineers: Palmer QB-Cin, Harrison WR-Ind, K.Johnson WR-Car, Dawkins DB-Pha.
2. Holy Rollers: L. Johnson RB-KC, Bledsoe QB- DAL, Bell RB-DEN, Barber DB- TB
3. Rapid City Rage: Chambers WR-MIA, Wayne WR-IND, Foster RB-CAR, O. Thurman DL-CIN
4. Fightin' Phins: R. Johnson RB-CIN, R. Brown RB-MIA, C. Williams RB-TB, Tatupu LB-SEA
5. Taiwan Typhoons: J. Jones RB-DAL, J. Shockey TE-NYG, R. Williams WR-DET, D. Johnson LB-KC
6. Seattle Tsunami: S. Jackson RB-STL, W. Parker RB-PIT, McAllister RB-NO, Uhrlacher LB-CHI
7. Ricky Williams: McGahee RB-Buff, D. Davis RB-HOU, Culpepper QB-MIA, Do. Edwards LB-SD
8. I Love Bush: S. Smith- WR- CAR, C. Johnson WR-CIN, K. Jones RB-DET, M. Peterson LB-JAX
9. EZ Money: S. Alexander RB-SEA, C. Portis RB-WAS, R. Moss WR-OAK, Bullock LB-TEN
10. Burning Balls: T. Owens WR-DAL, B. Westbrooke RB-PHA, T. Brady QB-NE, A. Wilson DB- ARI
11. Newcastle Guzzlers: Tomlinson RB-SD, Vick QB-ATL, Holt WR-STL, Clements DB- BUF
12. Taiwan Mean Machines: McNabb QB-PHA, Gates TE-SD, Benson RB-CHI, Trotter LB-PHA
13. Hou Chang Giants: E. Manning QB-NYG, T. Barber RB-NYG, L. Jordan RB-OAK, Vilma LB-NYJ
14. Gerry Dattilio's: P. Manning QB-IND, Fitzgerald WR-ARI, James RB-ARI, Z. Thomas LB-MIA

Big Ell Pro Ball Keepers

2006-03-22T18:11:00.000+08:00

Between Periods

2006-02-15T22:33:00.000+08:00

I have been wanting to update this blog more often but haven't been able to find the time. Here is a little post to tide you people over until the Big LHL and Big LBL updates are posted in the next week or so.

I have always loved Bobby Knight. His tough love approach to coaching is something I could have used when I was younger. The only Texas Tech fan I know says it's time fo rhim to retire and let Pat Knight run the show. I say 'blasphemy!' Where would the world of NCAA basketball be without soundbites like
these.

I used to play Rugby and since living in Taiwan have met tons of Rugby fans. I always thought that the Kiwi or South African fans were the most diehard. Not anymore this Welsh guy takes the cake. He cut off his balls after Wales beat England.

This is a fairly funny parody of the ESPN.com

website by the guys from Cracked. I especiallt liked them taking the piss out of the Sports Guy.

I know it's February but here are some of the top Sports Bloopers of 2005.

Chuck Noll Bowl VI

2006-01-24T01:55:00.000+08:00

Year Six of the Big LFL has finished with the crowning of a new champ; Craig Coughlin’s Gerry Dattilio’s. The Dattilio’s narrowly edged out the Hou Chang Giants 76-72. The Giants’ cost themselves the title by starting McNair over Eli Manning. Fitzgerald, Jones and Toomer had good days to lead the Dattilio’s. Craig Coughlin was ecstatic that QB Peyton Manning finally won the big game and brought the Dattilio’s their first ever Chuck Noll Bowl.

Gerry Dattilio’s: A warm round of applause to Craig Coughlin who led the team and stayed at or near the top all year. He should be stacked again in 2006 with Manning and James back.
HouChang Giants: The rookie Giants rode Barber and almost won the title. Dwayne looks to be strong again in 2006 with Manning and Barber returning.
Taiwan Mean Machines: Played tough all year and did well even after McNabb went down. They beat the Guzzlers and look to be solid again in 2006 with McNabb and Gates coming back.
Newcastle Guzzlers: The regular season champs crapped the bed in the playoffs but look to be tough again with Tomlinson, Ward, Holt and Vick looking to return.
Burning Balls: The Balls beat the Steelers and played tough all year. He will have Brady, Anderson and Westbrook back in 2006 and will be a contender.
EZ Money Steelers: The Steelers have a team with some great players like Alexander and Portis but need Moss to come back to Fantasy Superstardom in 2006.
Mexican Roadkill: Brad rode the super play of Steve Smith and just failed to make the playoffs. He will be tough again next year if either Jones or Lewis plays well.
The Ricky Williams’: Injuries and Daunte Culpepper took their toll on Stu this year. He could be back in 2006 if Daunte can come back and if McGahee and Davis realize their potential.
Seattle Tsunami: Grant moved up in the rankings and may be a franchise on the make in the Big LFL. He returns Hasselbeck and Jackson, the Deuce is the injury prone wildcard.
San Yi Stampeders: The Stamps over achieved to reach 10th place which isn’t ssaying much. They have a lot of question marks for 2006. Jones and Roy Williams appear to be injury prone and who knows what will happen with Ricky.
Rama Redskins: The Redskins improved over the year and are looking good doing into 2006. Williams, Brown and Johnson are a talented group of runners.
Bamboo Union: The Union season went downhill yet again when the Priest went down yet again. With an aging Favre and injury prone backs (Holmes/Foster) the Union looked doomed.
Holy Rollers: The Union started strong and ended weakly just like owner Jay Unsworth in bed. He can take solace in the fact that he has stud RB Larry Johnson to rebuild his team around.
Milhaven Mutiny: What hasn’t been said about the Mutiny? Perennial league doormat finally gets a player to build around who blows out his knee. I guess he’ll have to keep Big Ben around, there still may be hope.

Big LBL Preview- Year 6

2005-11-19T02:14:00.000+08:00

Year 6 of the Big LBL has begun as the Black Flashes try to defend their title. The league should be more exciting this year with two expansion teams who bring with them a wealth of fantasy sports experience.

I have grouped the league based in the loving memory of the Vancouver Grizzlies. The top group is called Shareef Abdur-Rahim, the best player to ever wear the teal. The second group consists of quality teams and is represented by Mike Bibby who starred for the team for a few years. The third group is in loving memory of Bryant ‘Big Country’ Reeves; these teams aren’t very good much like Big Honky. The teams in each group are ranked in no particular order.

Shareef Abdur-Rahim

The Black Flashes have another strong team and will try to three-peat this year in the LBL. Few teams can match the Black Flashes’ Big 3. T-Mac, Yao and D-Wade are all capable of winning games on their own. The Flashes will also show off their versatility this year with most players playing multiple positions. Tyson Chandler and Kirk Hinrich will need to play well for owner Big Ell to win another championship. Big Ell did take some risks with Zach Randolph, Steve Jackson and Rafer Alston but he knows he needs to keep it real to satisfy the fan base. In addition, having four Rockets may spell doom for the Flashes.

The Clip Trip looks to be a strong contender this year. Any team with Le Bron James will be a contender for the title this year, next year and in ten years. He is a fantasy monster but maybe a notch less important this year with SF only eligibility. Scott will be in his fourth title game if James regains PG eligibility. He is joined on the Clip trip by two other studs Ray Allen and Vince Carter. This team is tough especially with Emeka Okafor. He is going to be a keeper for years to come. The Clip Trip depth looks a bit shaky as does the PG position.

Mike Bibby

Dribbling Balls owner Rob Giessman hopes to use his bantam football success to propel his LBL team into the championship game. Kevin Garnett is the key for the Balls but he will need big years from Shawn Marion and Ben Wallace to make a run for the title. This team has plenty of what ifs. What if Jamal Tinsley continues to suck? What if Josh Howard can’t reach the next level? What if Marcus Camby spontaneously combusts? The Balls do have some good players like Billups. But they have a lot of scrubs like Eddie Jones and Wally World. The Balls have a chance if Jones returns to All-Star level.

The EZ Money Jazz is tough up front with the best front court in the LBL. No one can match Duncan, O’Neal and Bosh. PG is a question mark but if Paul plays well EZ will be in the money. They also look week at SG with Rose and Battier being far from fantasy studs. The have solid PGs; Redd is money and J-Rich can ball. It is difficult to rank the Jazz as they could make a run for the title or be a one and done in the playoffs. I predict one and done, just like the real Jazz, wait a minute they won’t even make the playoffs.

Double Dribble has a decent team and with some luck should make the playoffs. Ryan’s team would be better if Ryan had attended the draft. They do have talent at all the major positions with Baron Davis, Elton Brand and Brad Miller. Double will need Lewis and Shareef to have bounce back years. The trouble with Double Dribble is that they don’t have that much depth so injuries will need to be avoided. Avoiding injury trouble is a near impossibility with Webber in the lineup. People end up getting hurt just by being around him.

The Pittsburgh Pisces and should be a lock to make the playoffs. Stu has Nowitski who is a stud but a stud without center eligibility. Gilbert Arenas is a superstar and probably the best second round pick ever in the lottery era. Bibby and Odom should also help the Pisces. He looks a little weak up front and will need Kwame Brown or Mehmet Okur to really step it up. Hughes was a fantasy stud last year and may be again playing with LBJ. I also really like the pick-up but of Bonzi Wells he’s a keeper in my book.

Air Ball is looking to make a big splash in the LBL this year. Dwayne has gone with an experienced squad in this his inaugral season and should make the playoffs. Ball has excellent PGs with Iverson and Kidd to join with excellent wingmen Peja and Jefferson. He also has some decent fantasy role players like Hamilton, Magette and Brown. He will need his youngsters like Bogut to produce to secure his place in the playoffs. Dwayne has proven that he is a tough competitor in the Big Ell pools.

Bryant ‘Big Country,’ Reeves

The Seattle Sounders looked to be on the way up in this league with some good young talent. Dwight Howard is a man child who is only going to get better. Howard’s only negative is his Christian faith which must make him a locker room cancer in the NBA. Seattle will roll if Kobe is back and can put up huge numbers again. The sounders are solid at all positions. Marbury is a good point guard but may have problems playing for Brown in the NYC. This team’s fortunes rely on a bunch of Blue Devils who traditionally suck in the NBA. Rotten Ron Artest could be the key for Grant. He has the ability to win several categories which should help the Sounders. He also has the ability to get suspended for a very long time.

The Green Gang didn’t have a very good draft day primarily because they didn’t attend. He did get lucky getting Kirilenko for nothing. The Green Gang may not finish last but they will be hard pressed to stay out of the cellar. Kirilenko is a solid building block this team was in desperate need of. Paul Pierce and Shaq O’Neal are both quality players but both are getting old. The Gang makes the playoffs if Joe Johnson and Marvin Williams make like Mookie and Dominique; it isn’t likely. Stevie Franchise is a good fantasy player but what about Cassell? He has cursed this franchise for years but could be the man for the Clippers.

Phi Slamma Jamma may be a year away from making a run for the championship. They will find it tough without Amare Stoudamire. The Jamma’s could wreck havoc on the league when he starts playing and they make the playoffs assuming he is still in contention. Phi Slamma has talent with Steve Nash, Manu Ginobili and Carmelo Anthony. They do have lots of potential problems if Antoine Walker doesn’t produce and if the youngsters (Childress and Telfair) don’t pan out. He does have Pau Gasol and needs Eddie Curry to have a big year up front with Amare out.

Big LFL Report

2005-11-14T02:24:00.000+08:00

The Big LFL has finished nine games and it’s time to look at how the league has settled. The league is highly combustible but two teams look very tough to beat. These teams are solid and unlikely to perform a Giessman like late season swoon. I have again included 4 team groupings: The Jack Lamberts, the Jack Hams, the Andy Russells and the Robin Coles. Each group not ordered.

Jack Lambert
The toughest teams in the LFL and injury willing, destined for the playoffs. Like Lambert they have the heart of a lion and the demeanor of a wolverine.

Gerry Datillios (7-2)
The Good: The Dattillio’s have been lucky this year but still have a tough team. They do have the best backs by in this league by a long shot. Edge James, Thomas Jones, and TJ Duckett are all playing well. Craig just unloaded Warrick Dunn for Larry Fitzgerald and will need him to produce. Peyton Manning is playing great again and the Dattillio’s look good.

The Bad: The Colts kicking ass is bad news for the Dattilio’s. They will probably win the regular season title but lose in the playoffs when Manning and Edge hit the pine late in the season.

The Ugly: The Gerry wide receivers need to start producing points on a more consistent basis. He needs Joe Horn to get healthy and produce to win the title.

Hou Chuang Giants (7-2)
The Good: The Giants continue to play great in their inaugural Big LFL season. Dwayne has worked wonders with this team. Eli Manning is well on his way to fantasy stardom and the Giants look tough for years to come. If Eli can keep rolling Hou Chang makes the title game. The Giants should roll into the playoffs with Lamont Jordan now joining Tiki Barber as a dependable fantasy stud.

The Bad: Losing Javon Walker has hurt the Giants and it will be interesting to see who will step up and replace Anquan Boldin for the next 2-4 weeks. Branch has played well but the Giants will need Williamson or Jurevicious to pick it up in order to win the title.

The Ugly: Julius Peppers continues to do very little for Hou Chuang. The Giants also continue to receive next to nothing from their TE.

Jack Ham
This group has solid teams comparable to all-pro Jack Ham who played in 8 consecutive pro bowl games. These teams have exceeded or met expectations and are in the playoff hunt.

EZ Money Steelers (6-3)

The Good: EZ Money is a steady bunch with the exception of Shaun Alexander. Alexander has been incredible this year and LaDanian is his only equal. Randy Moss is a hurt again but still has the ability to make plays. Keith Bullock and Demarrio Williams continue to pile up points for EZ Money.

The Bad: Clinton Portis has finally scored some TDs and EZ will also need Fred Taylor to stop his rollercoaster season. He will need these two guys to start putting up a more consistent effort. Derrick Mason and Brandon Stokely continue to do jack shit at the WR position and Stokely was finally released.

The Ugly: Aaron Brooks continues to kill the Steelers and unlike recent years it is doubtful that the Steelers will be able to find a waiver wire wonder to perk up the team. To be fair Brooks may start to heat up when the Saints are mathematically eliminated. He has been god awful.

Newcastle Guzzlers (6-3)

The Good: Newcastle will make the playoffs because of LaDanian Tomlinson, he is that good. Excuse the hyperbole but man I’d give my left nut to have him on my team. He could push Newcastle into the championship by himself. The Guzzlers receiving corps has been great but Holt and Ward are battling injuries which could be a factor late. The surprise play of Galloway has also been a revelation. Newcastle also hasn’t seen Vick have a monster game yet but Plummer may be the man to lead the Guzzlers to the playoffs. Heath Miller had been a revelation and Crumpler has played well to give the Guzzlers two solid TEs.

The Bad: The Guzzlers defense has suffered and looks below average in the LFL. Pierce is a stud but the others are merely average. Ruben Droughns has been steady but still hasn’t registered a TD.

The Ugly: Not much ugliness for the Guzzlers but Drew Bennett has not played as well as expected and has been hurt.

Taiwan Mean Machines (6-3)
The Good: The Mean Machines continue to rely on Donovan McNabb. He has been deadly but he is hurting and the Eagles offensive line looks pitiful. Not having TO will obviously hurt. Taiwan is done if he doesn’t play for a few games. Antonio Gates has been playing well and the machines need him to score more TDs like he did in week 8. Taiwan’s defense has been tough with Quarrels and Rhodes posting good numbers.
The Bad: The Machines running backs are weak. Corey Dillon has been hurting and doesn’t look like he will be able to repeat his 2004 numbers. Chris Brown has been terrible but appears to be showing life. Marion Barber was a nice pick-up.
The Ugly: The Mean Machines WRs are terrible. Moulds is still playing below average and Ryan will need Reggie Brown to show he isn’t a one game wonder.

The Burning Balls (5-3)
The Good: The Balls are .500 almost in spite of themselves. The Balls have a good group of players led by Terrell Owens, Tom Brady and Brian Westbrook. But as everyone knows Owens is gone and so may the Balls playoff hopes. The Balls defense has also produced with Brooking leading the way. The Balls will need their defense to continue producing. I am just hoping Brady goes down to bring on the David Carr era for the Balls.

The Bad: The Balls have little if any depth. The Balls are in the lottery if any of their good players go down or get suspended. Wait a minute that already happened with Owens.

The Ugly: Andre Johnson continues to stink and has been hurt. It doesn’t help that Carr and the Texans also stink. The Balls are going to have a tough time making the playoffs with Randle El, Johnson and Chatman catching balls.

Mexican Roadkill (4-5)
The Good: The Roadkill have been destroying teams or losing thus far this year. Steve Smith, Chad Johnson and Larry Fitzgerald gave Mexico the best LFL receivers. Dealing Fitzgerald for Dunn is a wise move to shore up his running game. Marc Bulger is a great Fantasy QB and Delhomme has also played well. His defense has also been solid so far.

The Bad: Jamal Lewis and Kevin Jones continue to stink it up. The Roadkill would still be better with jettisoned players Jones and the Deuce even with though both players are injured. Lewis is now fat and Jones plays with Harrington and Garcia.

The Ugly: JJ Arrington was the worst forth round pick this past year. The Roadkill RBs have been awful with Arrington leading the way. The Roadkill need Dunn to continue to play well.

Ricky Williams’ (4-5)
The Good: The Ricky Williams’ are starting to falter. Injuries have taken their toll with Culpepper done for the year and Lewis out for a month. Drew Brees has done piloting the ship but owner Stu needs Davis and McGahee to start rolling on a more consistent basis. Davis has the potential to lead this team to the playoffs himself. He will see the ball 25+ times a game from now on for the pitiful Texans. McGahee should continue to roll now that the Losman experience is done. His offense has been average but he has been led by a stellar group of defenders. Donnie Edwards and Ray Lewis have not disappointed with Barnett and Wilson also posting good points.

The Bad: The Williams biggest problem is rampant mediocrity on the field. Bettis, Coles, Kennison, and Houshmandzadeh have all shown flashes but no consistency.

The Ugly: Daunte Culpepper is done this year. Does Stu bring him back or deal him in the off-season? Week 10 is also very ugly for Stu with injuries and byes killing his team.

Andy Russell

These teams are solid like the seven time all-pro linebacker, Andy Russell. They can compete but are unlikely to make the playoffs.

Bamboo Union (3-5)
The Good: The Bamboo Union is riding a five game losing streak and need to do something. Brett Favre keeps posting good numbers but also has some bad games thrown into the mix. Wayne, Smith and Chambers are good WRs and the Union will need them to play out of this world to win some games. This offence lacks depth.

The bad: DeShaun Foster has been terrible for Bamboo. Davis’ resurgence has almost killed any value Foster may have had. I was also surprised that Marcel Shipp has yet to score a TD, kidding. The Bamboo defense has been bad with only McGee playing well.

The Ugly: The Union was dealt a killer blow when Priest Holmes’ season ended. He was still winning with the Priest rolling. Holmes missed half of the season last year and I still question why the Union didn’t pick-up Larry Johnson in case of an injury to his 32 year old back. The Union may be looking at a prolonged run in the basement if Holmes’ injury is career threatening.

Seattle Tsunami (3-6)
The Good: The Tsunami has been in a free fall since Deuce McAllister was hurt for the year. They are definitely the best 3-6 team but what does that say. Seattle wide receivers Buress, Smith and McCardell have put up big numbers. Canning also has had luck on the waiver wire with Parker. He also has a stud back with Steven Jackson. He has also received good games from Hasselbeck. Seattle has also gotten big points from defenders like Urlacher but Freeney and Strahan need to score more points.

The Bad: The Raniers need Tony Gonzalez to live up to his keeper status. He has picked it up of late. Michael Clayton, Tony Gonzalez and Steven Jackson have performed well below expectations. Curtis Martin is also playing better but needs to put up huge numbers for the Tsunami to make the playoffs.

The Ugly: Losing the Deuce probably destroyed any hope of the playoffs for the Tsunami. Long injuries in 2004 and 2005 make McAllister a risky keeper.

Rama Redskins (3-6)
The Good: The Redskins have surprised this year and would be ranked higher if Cadillac Williams hadn’t got hurt. Rama also did well picking up Rudi Johnson and looks like he will be back in the hunt nest year with these two keepers. Santana Moss has been spectacular and Jackson was also piling up points before he got injured. Byron Leftwich has been good but Rama needs him to step up. Ernest Wilford looks like a savvy pickup for the Redskins.

The Bad: Ronnie Brown has played well but the platoon in Miami hurts. Caddy Williams has also failed to match his early season totals. The defense has been only adequate for the redskins

The Ugly: Lelie and Barlow have been terrible this year. Injuries have hurt the Redskins but thing may be looking up with Jackson the only remaining player on the injured list.

SanYi Stampeders (4-5)
The Good: The Stampeders should be in the bottom group but have too many wins. The must unlikely and lucky Big LFL team with 4 wins by 13 points combined and 4 losses by 130 points. Jeremy Shockey has been the only positive as he enjoys a career year.. The defense has been the key with Mathis and Brown carrying the team. SanYi has also doen well on the waiver wire with Lloyd and Taylor helping them crack 50 points a week.

The Bad: QB Trent Green hasn’t done much this year. He has played better of late but needs to start putting up numbers worthy of a 4th round pick. The Stamps RBs also haven’t done much with Julius Jones proving he is fragile and Williams just starting to play well in week 9.

The Ugly: Injuries have hurt SanYi with keeper Roy Williams always hurt. Bruce has also been hurt and done little. The shocking part is that the Stamps can get back to .500 with a win over the Guzzlers who have LDT on a bye.

Holy Rollers (3-6)
The Good: The Holy Rollers seem destined for the bottom spot with the injury to Ahman Green. They have had some terrible weeks and lost to the Stampeders in the Shit Bowl 05. Kerry Collins and Bledsoe have played well for the Rollers. The Rollers do look good for 2006 with Tatum Bell and Larry Johnson, who are two nice building blocks. Jim Briggs has been the top performer on a weak defense.

The Bad: The Rollers wide receivers are mediocre at best. Joey Porter has had one big game. Muhammed, Jones and Engram have done little. The Rollers defense has also been bad apart from Barber

The Ugly: Owner Jay Unsworth has had a tough return to the Big LFL. Keeper Ahman Green looks like he is done and his QBs are old and slow. Good times indeed for the Rollers.

Robin Cole
Robin Cole was a solid player on the late 70’s Steeler teams. He made one pro-bowl but not until the glory years were over.

Milhaven Mutiny (2-7)
The Good: Carson Palmer continues to excel for this franchise. WRs Marvin Harrison is finally playing well and Keyshawn Johnson continues to surprise. Dawkins and Little lead a decent defense and Chris June has been a major point getter. Pittman was a nice pickup for a few weeks but is now a part time player again.

The bad: The running backs have done little. Jacobs and Rhodes have scored some points but are clearly second stringers. Milhaven’s best rushing performance came in one half by Davenport. He proceeded to get knocked out for the rest of the year in the second half. This leads me to say that the Mutiny running backs are cursed.

The Ugly: Mutiny keeper Nate Burleson was a fantasy bust as was Michael Bennett. The disastrous duo now has homes on other teams. Dropping Donald Driver also didn’t help the Mutiny much.

Between Periods

2005-11-13T00:52:00.000+08:00

Joe Sports Fan has some pretty funny stuff with their worthless baseball card collection. Check out Steve Swisher and Glenn Wilson, excellent stuff.

This link is to some problems they had on the original
Madden 2006 roster.

Here is a pretty cool bit on the
SI cover Jinx.

This referee reminds me of the guy that lived across the street and refereed Westgate Wizards games.

This is funny shit and the source of some funny lines. If I lived near high level high school football, I would be
this guy.

This is a pretty funny link to the NFL's Hall of Fame team for criminals. Not many surprises here but this team isn't a team with the exclusion of Bam Morris.

Big LFL Report

2005-10-09T18:03:00.000+08:00

The Big LFL has finished four games and it’s time for a review of what has transpired. We’ve almost finished a 1/3 of the regular season and there have been some shocks and surprises. In tribute to the great Steeler linebackers from the 70s I have included these 4 groups: The Jack Lamberts, the Jack Hams, the Andy Russells and the Robin Coles.

Jack Lambert

The toughest teams in the LFL and injury willing, destined for the playoffs. These teams are like 9-time pro bowler, two time NFL defensive player of the year and Hall of Famer Jack Lambert. They play tough, hurt and with the heart of a champion .

EZ Money Steelers (2-2)
The Good: EZ Money is taking the same approach as in past years. Shane Forrer likes to lose early with the hope of squeaking into the playoffs. Alexander has been great thus far but I wonder how many points he could get on a good team with a solid coach. The Steelers Randy Moss has also been great this year. Bullock and Davis have both been big contributors on defense.
The Bad: Clinton Portis is playing at a fantasy bust level. Stokley and Mason have been terrible. Fred Taylor hasn’t done much and has played well below expectations but may pick it up as the year goes by.
The Ugly: Aaron Brooks. The Steelers would be undefeated if Brooks played well. Brooks, the fantasy team killer, should put up big numbers again in December which should help EZ Money in the playoffs.

Newcastle Guzzlers (3-1)
The Good: Newcastle is kicking ass largely behind LaDanian Tomlinson who makes them a championship contender by himself. He is playing like Faulk and Homes once did. The Guzzlers receiving corps has been great with Holt and Ward. The surprise play of Galloway has also been a revelation. Newcastle also hasn’t seen Vick have a big game yet. The Guzzler should be in the title hunt all year long
The Bad: The Guzzlers defense has suffered and looks below average in the LFL. Crumpler and Miller also have contrubuted little from the TE position
The Ugly: Drew Bennett has not played as well as expected. Droughns has yet to register a TD and may be supplanted by Suggs in the Brown backfield.

Gerry Datillios (3-1)
The Good: The Dattillio’s have been led by James and Jones who have done extremely well. His second string backs are the envy of many LFL teams with Duckett and Dunn. LJ Smith has played well and looks like this years Gates. The Gerry defense is solid with Thomas and many consistent point producers. The Dattilios look tough again this year.
The Bad: Peyton Manning has had one great week and the Datillios are still 3-1. Manning will not repeat his 2004 exploits but he will at least have a few more huge weeks.
The Ugly: The Gerry wide receivers have been awful and remain a thorn in Coughlin’s side. The Dattilios need help at WR and I am sure Gerry is working on a deal to shed one of his many backs to get a WR. He will need someone to step up to win the championship.

Bamboo Union (3-1)
The Good: Just when you think the Union is done; they keep winning games. Largely disrespected in the weekly polls, the Union keep winning. Favre plays on a terrible team but keeps posting good numbers. Bamboo is still winning without the Priest rolling. Can he keep it going and roll into the palyoffs?
The Bad: DeShaun Foster has been terrible for Bamboo. Davis’ resurgence has almost killed any value Foster may have had. The Bamboo defense has been bad with only McGee playing well.
The Ugly: The Union wide receivers look terrible. Owner Chris Sage needs at least one of them to come up big. Wayne needs to get some TDs for the Union to have a hope. Bamboo could also use a TD from Clark who has done nothing.

Jack Hams

This group has solid teams comparable to Hall of Famer Jack Ham who played in 8 consecutive pro bowl games. I love Jack Ham. He coached me at football camp and was a super nice guy. These teams have exceeded or met expectations thus far and are in the playoff hunt.

Hou Chuang Giants (3-1)
The Good: The Giants have survived and prospered so far in their inaugural Big LFL season. Barber and Jordan have played well but Eli Manning has led the way. Hou Chang makes the playoffs if Eli can keep rolling . The Giants also have the steal of the draft so far with Davis from Carolina. Hou Chuang will be tough to best if he keeps it up and stays healthy. Jordan and Barber lead one of the most productive backfields in the LFL.
The Bad: Losing Walker will eventually hurt the Giants. Boldin and Branch have not been able to shoulder the load. The Giants need Williamson to step up which he appears to be doing.
The Ugly: Julius Peppers has been a bust this year. The Giants have also received next to nothing from the TE position.

Taiwan Mean Machines (2-2)
The Good: The Mean Machines have relied on McNabb for most of the year. He has been deadly but he’s hurt. Taiwan is done if he doesn’t play for a few games. Gates has only played in three of the games but needs to start scoring TDs for the Machines. Taiwan’s defense has been tough with Quarels and Rhodes posting good numbers.
The Bad: The Machines running backs are weak. Dillon doesn’t look like he will be able to repeat his 2004 numbers. Brown has been terrible and he’s waiting to see if Suggs will finally do something.
The Ugly: The Mean Machines WRs are terrible. Moulds is suffering, and Randle El has made more than a few dumb plays. Taiwan could really use some production from Jenkins, Stallworth or Battle.

Burning Balls (2-2)
The Good: The Balls are .500 almost in spite of themselves. The Balls have a good group of players led by Terrell Owens, Tom Brady and Brian Westbook. The Balls are banking on some more big weeks from the Eagles. McMichael has been a nice pick for the Balls. The Burning defense has also produced with Brooking leading the way.
The Bad: The Balls have little if any depth. The Balls are in the lottery if any of their good players go down. Blaylock, Crayton and Jackson have done little
The Ugly: Andre Johnson has been terrible and hardly worthy of a keeper position. Were the Balls that weak last year that they wanted to keep this dud?

Mexican Roadkill (2-2)
The Good: The Roadkill have been up and down this year unable to continue the momentum of an early wo game winning streak. Steve Smith, Chad Johnson and Larry Fitzgerald give Mexico the best LFL receivers and Bulger is a great Fantasy QB. His defense has also been solid so far.
The Bad: This team is solid but one injury away from disaster. Curtis and Arrington aren’t helping much and it is doubtful they will. The Roadkill Rbs have been awful with Arrington leading the way.
The Ugly: Jamal Lewis and Kevin Jones have been terrible so far. The Roadkill would be 4-0 with jettisoned players Jones and the Deuce. Lewis is now fat and Jones plays with Harrington.

Ricky Williams’ (2-2)
The Good: The Ricky Williams’ are a borderline team in this group. His offense has been average but he has been led by a stellar group of defenders. Donnie Edwards and Ray Lewis have not disappointed with Barnett and Wilson also posting good points.
The Bad: The Ricky RBs Davis and McGahee have been mostly bad leading many LFL journalists to wonder why he gave away Johnson in the off-season
The ugly: Daunte Culpepper has caused owner Brent Morrison to age ten years. He has been awful with the exception of one game. The Williams' need Daunte to produce or switch gears and give the reigns to Brees.

Andy Russell

These teams are solid like the seven time all-pro linebacker, Andy Russell. A step below the Jacks but may win some games with some luck. They can compete but are unlikely to make the playoffs.

Holy Rollers (2-2)
The Good: The Holy Rollers got off to a good start but look like they are heading for the basement. They have had some terrible weeks and lost to the Stampeders in the Shit Bowl 05. Kerry Collins has done wonders for the Rollers who would be 0-4 without him.
The Bad: The rollers wide receivers have been terrible this year. Porter, Muhammed and Ferguson lead the malcontents. The Rollers defense has also been bad apart from Barber
The Ugly: It is wonder this team isn’t in the basement with keeper duds Green and Bell. Did any team end up with 2/3 keepers having no chance of being kept this year. A slow clap is awarded to Jay Unsworth. Green appears done and Bell is second string, good times.

Seattle Tsunami (1-3)
The Good: The Tsunami have had a shaky start to the season and shouldn't be happy with their record when it could have been much better. Off season acquisition McAllister has played well along with stellar receivers Buress and McCardell. Seattle has also gotten big points from defenders like Urlacher, Freeney and Strahan.
The Bad: Some questionable player benchings have cost the Tsunami who could easily be 3-1. Michael Clayton, Tony Gonzalez and Steven Jackson have also performed well below expectations. The Raniers need these players to play better if they want to make the playoffs.
The Ugly: Curtis Martin’s high price tag (Caddy Williams) may have doomed the Tsunami for years to come. The Jets suck and so does Martin who looks more and more like the 2003 version. Seattle rolled the dice with 32 year old Martin and if has failed so far.

SanYi Stampeders (2-2)
The Good: The Stampeders have been the luckiest team in the LFL. Both wins have been of the extremely lucky variety. Not one player has performed well every week but the team has a few promising performers. This young team has been led by Jones, Shockey and Johnson who have performed well. The Stamps really need Ricky Williams to contribute starting in week 6.
The Bad: QB Trent Green hasn’t looked good but much better in comparison to backup Harrington. The Stamps also rolled the dice and crapped out with spot starter Rattay. Faulk hasn't done much and LB Brooks has been well below average. The whole d with the exception of Johnson has been bad.
The Ugly: The San Yi WR's have been brutal in the first four games. Williams, Bruce and the rest of the scrubs have been terrible. The Steelers need the aforementioned scrubs and Lloyd to start producing points.

The Robin Cole’s
Robin Cole was a solid player on the late 70’s Steeler teams. He made one pro-bowl but not until the glory years were over. These teams are bad and it will be difficult for them to make the playoffs.

Rama Redskins (1-3)
The Good: The Redskins started the year with an unexpected win but are now mired in what could become a long losing streak. Cadillac Williams has been the best pick-up of the off-season but he's already hurting. Rama also did well picking up Rudi Johnson. Rama look like they will be back in the hunt in the next few years with these two keepers. Moss and Jackson have also played well piling up points.
The Bad: Apart from one game rookies Brown and Edwards have played well below expectations. Leftwich hasn’t had huge game yet and Rama needs him to step up.
The Ugly: Lelie and Barlow have been terrible this year and Rama really needs them to step up. Injuries may have started hurting the Redskins with Williams and Jackson already banged up.

Milhaven Mutiny
The Good: Palmer has been one of the better Fantasy Player this season. Milhaven finally has the franchise player needed to make the playoffs. WRs Marvin Harrison, Keyshawn Johnson and Donald Drvier have all played well. Dawkins and Little lead a decent defense
The bad: Nate Burleson and Michael Bennett have been epic busts. The duo of Viking duds have killed Milhaven. The Mutiny’s inability to trade Big Ben has also hurt as needs to get another contributor on offense.
The Ugly: The Mutiny running backs are easily the worst group of backs in the history of the LFL. The Mutiny may have had a chance at the playoffs with at least one decent running back

Big LHL Season preview 3

2005-10-08T16:00:00.000+08:00

The quest for the Lanny McDonald Cup.

This is the last Big LHL season preview. I have included the last two groupings; Mike Bullard's Mustache and Lanny McDonald’s Mustache. These groups are close in ability and contain most of the traditional LHL powerhouses like the Tokers and the Tundra. All of these teams should all be in the playoff hunt all year long.

Group 3: Mike Bullard's Mustache

This group includes teams 5-7 in no particular order.Any of these teams could take the cup and any of these teams may not make the playoffs.

Fulong Flames

Staches: The Fulong Flames are not as close to Lanny as the Sutter's team in Calgary. Fulong has plenty of exciting players but may not have enough horses to win the cup. The Flames have brought together a young group of potential super stars with Nash, Spezza, Marleau and Briere. The real strength of the Flames may be Nabokov and Giguere in goal. The Flames will compete if the Sharks and Ducks win.
Mullets: Modry, Daze and Gionta hardly scare anybody. The Flames also have an average blue liner with Zdlicky Johnsson and Jovanovski. The Flames may not have enough depth to make a run.
Question: How will the senior Quattro turn out? Roberts, Robitaille, Kovalev and Hull were Fantasy superstars in the 90s but it isn't the 90s. Fulong will be heading to the playoffs if any two of these players have decent years.

Bo Ho Blackouts

Staches: The Blackouts may have the best goaltending in the LHL. Luongo and Vokoun are studs who play for average teams. Bo Ho is in the playoffs if the Panthers and Predators improve. The Blackouts also have some strength up front with Weight, Gagne, Nedved and Jagr . Bo Ho will contend if Jagr plays to his enormous ability and stops chugging cock.
Mullets: Primeau, Friesen and Mogilny have been killing fantasy teams for years. The Blackouts defense is young and without any proven point getter. Hamrlik is the key on defense.
Question: How good are Bocheski and Daniels? They both appear to be the real deals but they are both rookies. The Blackouts could be set for years but having two rookies as your key players is a recipe for disaster this year. The more I analyze the Blackouts the more I realize I may have made mistake in my rankings. They are much closer to Theo’s bottle than Lanny’s stache.

Pekka Rautakalios

Staches: Team Czech must be confused as Pekka has bolstered his squad with 9, count em 9 Czechs. Any team with Iginla and Hejduk has to be a contender. Lang and Bergeron should also be able to contribute. This team should be able to score if yashin has a good year.
Mullets: The Rautakalios took some gambles in the draft with Yashin, Straka and Tvederdosky. Too his credit, owner Brent Morrison didn’t overpay for them, but damn they are risky. The Pekka also have what looks like a terrible defense with Kaberle and Markov leading the way.
Question: How well will the goalies play this year? It may be feast or famine in the Pekka net. Esche, Biron and Legace are all quality net minders. Pekka will be set if they all remain starters. I am not sure if they all will (Osgoode will be back) with Esche and Biron having younger highly regarded backups. Peeka is done if any 2 of these goalies are backing up in March.

Group 4: Lanny McDonald’s Mustache

This group includes teams 1-4 in no particular order. These teams should all make the playoffs and be solid LHL teams for years to come.

CCCP

Staches: The defending regular season champ CCCP had a surprisingly strong draft. They look strong up front with fantasy star Sundin and St. Louis leading the way. CCCP needs Gomez and Ryder to step it up and have nig years. CCCP also have one of the best defenses in The LHL led by Niedermeyer, Blake Sopel and Van Ryn.
Mullets: Goaltending could kill CCCP in 2005. Belfour will celebrate his 40th birthday this season and Roloson is turning 36. Can these two seniors pull together a decent year? CCCp also drafted questionable players like Bad back LeClair and that cock sucker Czerkawski.
Question: Will Stillman play as well in Carolina as he did in Tampa Bay? He was huge two years ago but I doubt he can repeat on the terrible Hurricanes. He needs to repeat for CCCP to have a chance.

Frozen Tundra

Staches: The defending champ Frozen Tundra look capable of defending their cup. Frozen has possibly the strongest set of forwards in the LHL. The Tundra will be tough with centers Federov and Morrison joining Naslund, Heatley, and Guerin on the wings. he should be able to pile up the points on offense.
Mullets: While the Tundra does have good offense talent there is a large drop off in skill. Hect, Vyborny and Sedin don’t scare anybody but their owner. There defense is also only average with a big drop off after Tarnstrom and Chara.
Question: How will the Tundra be able to win with shaky goaltending? Like so many LHL teams the Tundra have questions in net. Aebischer, Lalime and Fernandez usually put up good nembers but how will Lalime and Fernandez do on weak teams.

Swift Current Spazz

Staches: Goaltending has always been a strength in Swift Current. It has allowed the Spazz to squeak into the playoffs for years on end. For the first time ever, super stud Brodeur is not playing with a proven guy for the Spazz. Can the LA duo of garon and that other guy play well enough to win? The Spazz do have a ton of players to fill the net with Richards, Datsyuk, and Doan leading the way. Ruutu may also just be coming into his own. The Spazz also have very good 2nd tier guys like Morrow, Knuble, Smyth and Parrish.
Mullets: The defense is weak but has potential with Bouwmeester joining solid players Hannan and Timonen. Outside fo Brodeur, the Spazz have very little experience in net.
Question: Selanne, Bondra and Parise? The Spazz can win the title if any of these guys has a big year. I am sure the Spazz are hoping for Parise to lead the way but will take any thing Selanne or Bondra can give. They are both old men but maybe they have another year in them. The Spazz have all the talent to make a run to raise Lanny’s stache in 2006.

Tijuana Tokers

Staches:Tokers owner Ryan Robinson missed the draft and may find it difficult to make it back to the title game. With out a doubt the best manager in LHL, mismanagement may come back to haunt him this year. He just doesn't seem like he's on his game like in past years. The Tokers are set with Thornton and Kipprusoff. Thornton is joined up front by Elias, Jokkinen, Sullivan, Walker, Dvorak and Recchi. Obviously the strength of this team is on offense.
Mullets: Tijuana is looking weak on defense and doesn’t have a lot of depth up front. Schneider and Hill are solid but Niinima, Zyuzin and Boynton look dodgy at best. The Tokers are gambling that Weekes will play well for the Rangers, which is a big gamble.
Question: How will hepatitis therapy impact Patrick Elias? Elias spent the off-season in all the best Czech whorehouses and contracted hepatitis a. The Tokers will need him to have a good season if they want to return to the title game.

Big Ell Pro Ball Playoffs

2005-10-07T22:19:00.000+08:00

2005- Big Ell Pro Ball Champs:
The Marauders (Dwayne Worden)

Another year of Big Ell Pro Ball has come to an end. The Marauders were victorious and Dwayne Worden became the first expansion team in Big Ell Sports to win a title. The All-Stars battled hard but in the end didn’t have the horses. I apologize for my shoddy coverage of the baseball playoffs.

Championship:
Marauders 8 All-Stars 6
Ortiz was the hero again for the Marauders who also got production from Matsui, Sizemore and Peralta who all had great games. Millwood and Vasquez pitched well enough for the Marauders to win. The All-Stars put up a valiant effort in defeat but in the end were no match for the Marauders. The All-Stars were ultimately doomed when some shitty pitchers like Lowe and Batista got rocked. Helton, Cantú and Holliday led the offense that just could never catch up.

Third Place:
Missoula Astros 13 Seattle Raniers 1
The Astros got out their frustrations and destroyed the Raniers. Berkman, Tracy and Howard pounded the ball with Pierre running the bases. Seattle couldn’t match up. Hafner had another huge game but there was little else. The Raniers pitching was awful while the Astros were led by Blanton and Turnbow

Final Draft Order:
12. Marauders- Worden
11. All-Stars- Coughlin
10. Astros- O’Neal
9. Raniers- Canning
8. Braves- Forrer
7. Yankees- Ulrich
6. Phillies- Robinson
5. Camels- Morrison
4. E’s- Davidson
3. Guzzlers- Scott
2. Crisis- Naumann
1. Relocated TBD

Big LHL Season Preview 2

2005-10-07T02:27:00.000+08:00

The next part of the Season Preview contains teams 8-10 in no particular order. This group features two of the best Big Ell Sports managers who have fallen on hard times and one owner who has never even been there. The third group is Theo Fleury’s bottle; these teams may make it to the playoffs or end up face down in a ditch with Bill Laforge.

Theo Fleury’s bottle

Burning Drips

Staches: The Drips have some nice talent up front with Handzus, Murray and Cheechoo. Drip owner Whitey picked up some nice goalies and appears strong in net with Turco and Khabibulin. The Drips need both the Stars and Hawks to make the playoffs to have a hope at the title. The Drips usually start out fast but fade quickly. Whitey knows all about that.
Mullets: Whitey’s second tier offense has gaping holes, just think major roles for Konowalchuk and Afinogenov. His defense is weaker than his knees. The Drips are banking on a big year from a rookie defenseman; when does that ever happen? But he does have Staios. By the way has Hartnell finally reached bust status?
Question: Can Sedin and/or Bonk lead the Drips? The Drips need Sedin to finally realize his potential. I am not sure which Sedin this is but I imagine it applies to both. I have always thought that Bonk has had one of most disappointing careers. Obviously he’s got talent but he has never really made it. Much like Rob’s Varsity football career.

Montreal Maroons

Staches: Maroons owner Craig Coughlin was busy before and during the draft. Lecavlier was picked up in a nice move from the Tundra to join Gaborik up front. Then Montreal went young during the draft picking up Ovechekin, Zherdev and Vanek. The Maroons also managed to pick a good defense with Boyd, Leopold, Morris and Poti.
Mullets: Montreal has too many question marks to be considered championship material. Their biggest problem is shaky goaltending. Big LHL teams need two capable goalies to have a chance at the cup. Coughlin also took a lot of Flames but unfortunately for him none of them are named Iginla or Kipprusoff.
Question: Can Langkow or Kobasew rip it up playing in Calgary? Craig Conroy proved that playing alongside Iginla definitely helps Fantasy production. Montreal can make the playoffs if either of these guys spends some time on the first line.

EZ Money Chiefs

Staches: The Chiefs have some skill up front with Forsberg, Havlat and Satan but the key is Forsberg. He is injured again and always seems to be injured. The Chiefs do have a very good defense with Lidstrom, Zubov, Ozolinsh and Zhitnik but like Forsberg none are spring chickens.
Mullets: The Chiefs are banking on big years from Dumont, Torres and Arnason. Say those three names again. EZ Money owner Shane Forrer made a controversial move with his selection of goalies. Shane Forrer said “This year I decided to think outside the box and decided what could be better than drafting three goalies that are older than me.” It remains to be seen if this move with pay off.
Question: Kovalchuk, Kovalchuk, Kovalchuk? Illya is the biggest question mark for the Chiefs. If he plays the Chiefs make the playoffs, if not he’s in the lottery. It is always nice to see these problems in the EZ Money clubhouse who has been traditionally mediocre in the LHL.

Big LHL Season preview 1

2005-10-06T01:02:00.000+08:00

The Big LHL has completed its first on-line draft and the 4th season begins October 5th for the Lanny McDonald Cup. The draft had its mistakes but went about as smoothly as can be expected. Frozen Tundra is the defending champs and CCCP was the regular season champ in 2003-2004. Unlike the Big LFL there are no clear cut favorites this year. In this season preview I have broken the league into four categories.

The top category is in tribute to the great Lanny McDonald’s mustache which is even bigger in person. These teams should make the playoffs and contend for the title. The second grouping is Mike Bullard’s mustache; these teams are a step below the elite teams, much like Bullard’s stache in comparison to Lanny’s. The third group is Theo Fleury’s bottle; these teams may make it to the playoffs or end up in a ditch with Bill Laforge. The last grouping is dedicated to the gray matter of the man who led to the Flames into their 90’s downfall, Doug Risebrough’s brain. These teams are composed of Gary Leemans, Alexander Godynyuks, Jeff Reeses, Michel Petits and Craig Berubes. The first part of this blog will be teams 10-14 in no particular order

Doug Risebrough’s Brain:

Taichung Tikis

Staches: The Tikis have a fair amount of firepower for an expansion team. Sakic, Hossa and Demitra are solid fantasy players. McCabe and Stuart lead a decent defense that has potential.
Mullets: Taichung took some gambles with perpetually hurt players like Allison and Samsonov. Teaming them with underachievers like O’Neill, Hemsky and Frolov could be a recipe for disaster. Goaltending will also be big in the 14 team LHL and I don’t think Lehtonen and Cujo can get it done.
Question: Does Burnaby Joe have another year in him? The Tikis should make the playoffs if Sakic repeats what he did two years ago. I doubt he will be able to on 36 year old skates and with an average team.

Pike Place Flying Fish

Staches: The Fish are a year or two away from making the playoffs but took some big steps with the acquisitions of Crosby and Gonchar. The Fish may get lucky this year if the development of players like Legwand, Stall and Denis continues.
Mullets: I do wonder why the worst team from a few years back has injury bugs like Koivu and Palffy playing along with old-timers like Tkachuk and Amonte. Additionally, it can't be a good idea to be banking so heavily on the Penguins.
Question: Will any of the goalies have big years? All three goalies Conklin, Thibault and Columbus play for borderline play-off teams. Pike Place will need two of them to step up if he wants to make the playoffs

DaMing Dynamos

Staches:DaMing has two of the youngest goalies who will be needed quickly if the Dyanmos want to end up out of the cellar. Raycroft and DiPietro could put up huge numbers but may still be a year away. DaMinghas also assembled a rock solid defense and this may fianlly be the year that an LHL team with a solid defense makes the playoffs. Barnaby and McCarty will keep the Dynamo in the running for PIMs every week.
Mullets: Age and injuries. The Dynamo season rests on the oft injured shoulders of Kariya, Langenbrunner and Blake. If they can return to form the Dynamos may return to the playoffs.
Question: Which senior center will be on the injured list the longest? Turgeon (36), Modano (35) and Roenick (35) are the key for the Dynamos. DaMing owner Dave Whitehead will be doing cartwheels if two of them manage to make it through the year unscathed.

Taichung Mighty Fucks

Staches: The Fucks made improvements in the off season and now have something to build on. Years of inaction have decimated this franchise but they now have a few building blocks in Bertuzzi, Tanguay and Ribeiro. Taichung may also have found decent goaltending with Cloutier and the Lightning duo of Burke and Graham.
Mullets: Unfortunately for Taichung there is little of anything else on this team. Leetch anchors a weak blue line and Slegr has killed many a fantasy team. Injuries could kill the Fucks and the bench doesn’t have much depth or quality.
Question: How many games will Mario play? Mario is the difference between the basement and the playoffs. If he plays 60 games the Fucks may get lucky and make the playoffs. He is 40 with a history of a back problems. Which reminds me of another of Ryan Davidson's baseball players and lokk where that got you?

This week in Big Ell Pro Ball

2005-09-14T00:29:00.000+08:00

The playoffs began with two mild upsets. I am sorry but I will only be writing about the Championships and not the Consolation as football and school are in full gear.

Marauders 9 Yang Min Shan Yankees 6
The Yankees goal to reach their first semi finals came to an abrupt end when their bats went cold. The Marauders used a powerful offence and some spot starts to beat the Yankees. Willis led the Marauder pitching but the win should be credited to Crisp, Sizemore and Sexson. Abreu tried his best and Marquis and Mulder pitched well for the Yankees but it was all for nothing. The Marauders deserved the win and hats off to manager D-Wayne.

Bingo Long All-Stars 11 EZ Money Braves 4
The Braves late season swoon turned into a freefall after getting punished by the All-Stars. The All-Stars beat the Braves from pillar to post. The All-Stars Chavez and Cabrera led the offence while Uribe was the only Braves batter who came to play. EZ Money pitchers Pettite and Chacin were no match for Penny, Prior, Lowe and Dempster. The All-Stars have been rolling since this writer wrote them off and congrats are due Craig.

Semi-Final Predictions

The Marauders will beat the Raniers for the simple fact that the regular season winner rarely wins a Big Ell pool.
Bingo Long will end the Astros winning streak, as they are hot right now.

This Week in Big Ell Pro Ball

2005-09-13T23:34:00.000+08:00

Week 22 in Big Ell Pro Ball saw the regular season come to an end. Congratulations to the regular season champion Seattle Raniers! All of the playoff spots are set and I would like to thank the Phillies, E’s, Guzzlers, Camels and Crisis for putting forth solid efforts this year.

Game of the Week
EZ Money Braves 8 Bingo Long All Stars 8
The Braves and the All Stars battled to a tie in the last week of the season. The Braves winless streak moved to four weeks but EZ Money showed signs of life. A-Rod and Uribe led the Braves offense with Pettite and Timlin enjoying strong weeks on the mound. The All-Stars offense was led by Helton, Suzuki and Holliday with Lowe and Dempster leading the pitchers. EZ Money’s 8 runs allowed him to take the tie breaker for 3rd place from the Yankees. Both teams have no time to rest as they face each other in the first round of the playoffs.

Missoula Astros 8 Yang Min Shan Yankees 7
The Astros ended the year in second place overall and riding a 12 game unbeaten streak. The Yankees put up a valiant effort but their weak bats did them in with only Francoeur coming to play. The Yankee pitching was strong with Astros castoff Marquis and the relievers leading the way. Missoula was almost upset but stormed back to get the win. Alou, Berkman and Yankee castoff Cabrera led the offense while Wells and Blanton had big weeks helping the Astros steal a win. The Astros will rest for a week while the Yankees have their hands full with the upstart Marauders.

Formosa Phillies 9 Taiwan E’s 6
The Phillies attempt to unseat the Marauders for the last playoff spot failed. Giles and Pujols tried to lead the Phillies into the playoffs but 9 runs wasn’t enough for Formosa. Santana tried to pitch the Phillies into the playoffs but Bonderman and Lopez pitched to keep them out. Taiwan was led by Craig Monroe and that just about says it all. The Phillies should be back in the running in 2006 but I don’t think the same can be said for the E’s unless Bonds is really back.

Blowout of the Week I
Seattle Raniers 11 Swinging Bats 4
Week 22 in Big Ell Pro Ball came and went with another blowout of the Bats. Unfortunately, this blowout directly impacted the final standings with the Raniers directly benefiting. The Raniers gained the top spot behind a solid team effort led by Jones and Oswalt. The Bats stank up the joint and will be looking for a new home in 2006. If anybody knows of any interested parties please send an e-mail to the Commissioner.

Maraduers 9 Cuban Crisis 5
The Marauders held onto a playoff spot with a victory over the Crisis. Ortiz was the top Marauder batter with Willis and Benitez rolling on the mound. Damon and Rowand were the top players for the terrible Crisis.

S.B Camels 9 Newcastle Guzzlers 4
The Camels and Guzzlers played a wildly entertaining game. Dye, Giambi, Edmonds and Jenkins led the Camels bats and were almost matched by Nomar, Crawford, Jones and Floyd for the Guzzlers. The Camel pitching was led by Cy Young candidate Carpenter who was helped by Seo and Kazmir but managed to dominate Clement who lead the Guzzlers.

The 2005 Big LFL Season Preview

2005-08-31T17:58:00.000+08:00

The 2005 Big LFL draft is complete and teams ready their squads for the long journey ahead in their quest to play in the 6th Chuck Noll Bowl. The draft wasn’t without drama or suspense. The Rama Redskins pulled off the biggest move only hours before the draft moving up to first pick by trading Curtis Martin to the Seattle Tsunami. The dastardly Redskins then proceeded to fuck the dimwitted Stampeders with their 2nd selection (4th overall) of Carnell Williams. The fantasy football gods will pay back the duplicitous Rama. Comedy ensued when Ricky Williams’ asked the double dealing Redskins to choose Rodney Harrison, not realizing he had been taken earlier by the Mean Machines. No selection was made and Ricky ended up with the highest ranked player, Drew Brees.

The draft moved on without any problems until the over zealous Steelers drafted his own player instead of the player posted on the message board by the Stampeders. Hilarity ensued when Corky tried to rectify the problem and chose the wrong player posted again by the Stampeders. To his credit it is easy to confuse Green and Brown, they both play for the Bears and have colors for surnames. SanYi did get the player he wanted prompting the angry Steelers to repeatedly type “whatever, whatever.’ The highlight of the draft. The Stampeders did end up getting a player from the Steelers, a 12th rounder rather than the promised 10th rounder. So basically the Steelers got Mason for Williams and a 12th rounder. Not exactly a great trade but it is doubtful that it will make any difference for the cellar bound Stampeders. It is fortunate that it happened in the 10th round and not the 4th! The end of the draft also saw Ricky Williams choose TE Putzier over K Wilkins because he wasn’t paying attention. Congrats to the Redskins, Tsunami and Roadkill for being on the ball with your trade pickups. Unless Yahoo allows me to edit the individual draft picks next year, there will probably be no more trading of draft picks. Now here is what you have all been waiting for; the 2005 Big LFL Season Preview.

Chuck Noll Bowl VI

EZ Money Steelers
Analysis: EZ Money look poised to regain the championship after a one year hiatus. The Steelers have great starting backs in Shaun ‘Contract Year,’ Alexander and Clinton Portis. EZ Money also possesses a very good stable of receivers with Randy Moss, Brandon Stokley and Derrick Mason. Moss needs to stay healthy and stop smoking the chronic for the Steelers to win. The Steelers defense is also made up of quality playmakers. EZ Money is the king of the waiver wire and has traditionally picked up guys like Aquan Boldin and Domanick Davis during the early going to help his always tough teams.
Key Player: Aaron Brooks. The Steelers will be tough to beat, if Brooks plays like he did at the end of the season when the Saints season was over. Brooks can kill fantasy teams with his erratic decision making but has the ability to put up big numbers if the homeless Saints continue to play meaningless games in December; when Brooks is always at his best..
Question Mark: Fred Taylor. If Taylor is indeed back from his leg injury the Steelers will be almost unstoppable. He is the best third back in this league and should improve on his 3 TD season if he stays healthy. The irony of the Taylor pick up is that Fred is back on the team that traded him for Moss a few years back. Which leads to Big LFL rule #1-Never ever trade with EZ MONEY, you always get screwed.
Prediction: Any loss will be countered with the comment “It's always some crap team who has their biggest game that beats me"

Gerry Datillios
Analysis: Any fantasy team with Peyton Manning at the helm is almost guaranteed to make the playoffs. While Manning may not repeat his exploits of 2004, he will put up monster points in his desire to be the best Fantasy Football QB ever. The Dattillio’s also have help for Manning with a solid team comprised of top players like Edge James, Joe Horn and plenty of point producing players like Lee Evans and Warrick Dunn. His defense is solid with consistent point producers.
Key Player: Warrick Dunn. Dunn had a great year in 2004 for the Dattilio’s accumulating 1400 yards from scrimmage and 9 TDs. The Dattilio’s will need him to keep rolling to stay in the championship picture. Gerry may have problems if Duckett steals more TDs from Dunn in 2004.
Question Mark: Thomas Jones. Can Jones put up another good year for the beleaguered Bears? If Jones can fight off rookie Cedric Benson and repeat his 2004 numbers then the Dattilio’s will be almost assured a date at McMahon Stadium in December in the Chuck Noll Bowl.
Prediction: Craig will pull out of the league if any trade proposals are shot down by the league.

Playoff Contenders

Taiwan Mean Machines
Analysis: The Mean Machines were easily the best team during the regular season in 2004. The success of the NFL Eagles was his ultimate demise and when Donovan McNabb was benched; Taiwan was done. Taiwan looks to have another very good team in 2005. McNabb, Corey Dillon and Antonio Gates all return and are great players and he drafted wisely picking up the two-headed RB from Tennessee Henry Brown. Taiwan is not afraid to pull the trigger on trades, so we will see what happens.
Key Player: Donovan McNabb. McNabb enjoyed a career year in 2004. He achieved career highs in almost every passing category by long shot. If McNabb repeats these numbers in 2005 then the Machines will again challenge for the regular season title.
Question Mark: WR. Can the Machines WRs each gain 100 points this year? The Machine’s duo of Eric Moulds and Antwan Randle El are one of the leagues weakest and a major drop off from the Javon Walker and Hines Ward tandem of last year. The Machines will be ecstatic if Randel El has a breakout year.
Prediction: The Machines will make some trades, be in the playoffs and victory will depend on Andy Reid.

Bamboo Union
Analysis: Any team with the Priest is bound to be in the playoff hunt. He is one of 3 players who can win weeks by himself. He missed half the season last year and I question why the Union didn’t pick-up Larry Johnson in case of an injury to his 32 year old back. Reggie Wayne and Chris Chambers are decent WRs but his offence lacks depth. The Bamboo defense does consist of plenty of quality point producers.
Key player: DeShaun Foster. Foster is the poster boy for ACL and MCL surgery. He missed his rookie year and most of last year with an assortment of injuries. If he can’t stay healthy, Union faithful must get ready for the Marcel Shipp era.
Question Mark: Brett Favre. Favre had his best year since 1998, throwing for 4000 yards and 30 TDs. The big question asked un training camp is“Can Favre repeat those numbers again in 2005?” He is a 36 year old QB who has been sacked 379 times but still never misses a game. He will also play with a heavy heart after Hurricane Katrina ripped through Mississippi destroying his family’s home in Mississippi.
Prediction: The Bamboo Union will have the least free agent pickups for the 6th year running.

Ricky Williams’
Analysis: The Ricky Williams’ desire to defend their title may have been halted by the Drew Brees screw-up mentioned above. This doesn’t mean that Ricky’s cupboard is bare, far from it. He still has studs at QB (Culpepper), RB (Davis/McGahee) and one of the best defenses in the Big LFL. Donnie Edwards and Ray Lewis are good for 8-10 points a game and have the ability to win a few games.
Key Player: Daunte Culpepper. Culpepper had a career year in 2005 throwing for 39 TDs and 4700 yards. If he can repeat his 2004 exploits, without Randy Moss, Williams’ owner Stu may find his name engraved on the Championship Trophy again. Stu is confident as he states “I think Culpepper will be better without Moss.”
Question Mark: Drew Brees. Can the Williams’ deal their high draft pick Brees for anything of consequence? I think it highly unlikely. Ricky will probably get stuck with Brees as I am sure that nobdy wants him that bad.
Prediction: Stu will be complaining about the 90 second draft timer until the 2006 draft.

Newcastle Guzzlers
Analysis: Newcastle may have been a favorite if he didn’t decide to allow the computer to make his picks. That being said any team with LaDanian Tomlinson has to be a playoff contender. The Guzzlers also have a good receiving corps with Torry Holt, Hines Ward and Drew Bennett. Newcastle will also enter the season with the two headed QB tandem of Jake Plummer and Mike Vick. The Guzzlers defense suffered the most from the computer picks and looks atrocious.
Key Player: Ruben Droughns: Backup RB Droughns could make or break the Guzzlers season. If he is the starter in Cleveland, he could put up decent numbers. If Ruben’s performance last season was indeed a fluke; the Guzzlers may find themselves looking for free agent pickups all season long.
Question Mark: Michael Vick. Will Vick become a consistent fantasy stud? With Vick you get Jekyll and Hyde performances; outstanding numbers or pedestrian numbers. Newcastle’s hopes rest on Ron Mexico’s ability to pass the ball as well as he passes on herpes.
Prediction: A solid season with little fanfare and a few well written quips on the message board.

Mexican Roadkill
Analysis: The Roadkill’s 2004 season was done when the Deuce went down for the first month. So the Roadkill jettisoned him to the Tsunami for picks. The Roadkill are back in 2005 with a good to great team. His team is loaded with Marc Bulger, Kevin Jones, Jamal Lewis and Chad Johnson. If his young players put up good numbers he could find himself in the championship game.
Key Player: Jamal Lewis. Lewis is normally an unstoppable fantasy force with the ability to win weeks on his own. The Roadkill will be title contenders if he can stop selling crack and stay out of prison.
Question Mark: WR. Will Steve Smith return to form and will Larry Fitzgerald realize his potential? Smith was a fantasy force in 2003 before getting hurt early in 2004 and Fitzgerald had a good rookie season in Arizona. The Roadkill will need one of these players to step up in order to win the title.
Prediction: Brad will tell Craig to stop whining and take multiple shots at Shane and Stu.

Playoff Pretenders

Seattle Tsunami
Analysis: The Tsunami made a ton of off season moves to lift the team out of the basement. The Tsunami traded away the top pick to get Curtis Martin and to avoid a repeat of the Robert Griffin fiasco of 2004. He now has a solid nucleus with Deuce McAllister, Michael Clayton and Tony Gonzalez. The key to his season may be the play of Steven Jackson and Matt Hasselbeck if they play well he could make the jump to the playoffs. His defense has potential if Brian Urlacher and Julian Peterson can stay off the DL.
Key Player: Curtis Martin. Which version of Curtis Martin will show up this year, the 2004 model Martin with 14 TD or the 2 TD Martin of 2003? Seattle rolled the dice with the 32 year old Martin and if it pays out he could make the playoffs.
Question Mark: WRs. Will the 35 year old Rod Smith and Keenan McCardell have good enough years to put the Raniers in the playoffs? They both consistently put up good numbers but are getting a wee bit long in the tooth.

Dripping Balls
Analysis: The Balls took over a franchise that made the playoffs in 2003 and proceeded to dismantle it after a late season swoon kept this once proud franchise out of the playoffs. The Balls have a good group of receivers led by Terrell Owens and Andre Johnson and a decent QB in Tom Brady. They look to have a good D but have potential problems in the offensive backfield. Brian Westbook is a good back on a great team but may not have much help.
Key Player: Terrell Owens. The Balls should make the playoffs if TO repeats his 2004 exploits. He is a perfect fit on the Balls, with his big mouth and grating personality.
Question Mark: Mike Anderson: Will Anderson keep the starting spot for the whole season? Anderson is coming off major surgery and may put up big numbers like every Denver back. He may also get hurt again or lose his starting spot to Tatum Bell.
Prediction: Rob will post the most offensive posts on the message boards that degrade opponents and the English language.

Hou Chuang Giants
Analysis: The Giants enter their inaugural Big LFL season with a decent team. They have a nice nucleus with Tiki Barber and Javon Walker and a good defense. Hou Chang did a nice job of drafting players but made the mistake of choosing veterans rather than young guys. This strategy may land him in the playoffs this year but at the bottom of the league for years to come.
Key Player: Lamont Jordan. Most pundits believe Jordan will put up huge numbers in Oakland. He put up impressive numbers as a backup with the Jets and will finally be a number one back in Oakland. The Giants could make the playoffs if he gets 1000 yards and 10 TDs.
Question Mark: QB. Will Steve McNair return to form and is Eli Manning any good? The Giants gambled by picking both of their QBs late. McNair is injury prone but could put up big numbers in Norm Chow’s offence. Manning has potential but begins the season nursing an injury.
Prediction: The Giants will be a thorn in the side of soem teams and may pull of some upsets.

Holy Rollers
Analysis: In 2005, the Holy Rollers return to the Big LFL after a four year suspension for non-participation. Like their expansion brothers, the Giants, the Rollers went with experience rather than youth during the draft. The Rollers have some talent with Ahman Green and Joey Porter but weak drafting left them with two TEs and with two aging QBs Kurt Warner and Drew Bledsoe as backups. The Rollers will need solid efforts to stay out of the basement and the draft lottery. They also drafted the Wizzinator!
Key Player: Kerry Collins. Does Collins have the ability to be the man at QB for the Raiders? Collins has talent but lacks vision as evidenced by throwing more career INTs than TDs. He has killed fantasy teams in the past but is the flavor of the month this off-season.
Question Mark: Tatum Bell. Will Tatum Bell rush for a 100 yards or a 1000? Much has been made of Bell’s potential to get maximum points in the Denver running game. The problem is that he has already lost his starting job to Mike Anderson and if he doesn’t regain it the Rollers will be in trouble.
Prediction: The Rollers will find it difficult to adjust to the always tough Big LFL.

The Basement

SanYi Stampeders
Analysis: The demise of the Stampeders can be directly tied to week 14 of the 2002 season. Big Ell’s team was 14-0 and riding high on the legs of Marshall Faulk. Big Ell then proclaimed on the message board that he would run the table and get the title. The next week Marshall went down with a knee injury and the Stamps and Faulk have never been the same. The Stamps hope to return to the playoffs with stud back Julius Jones and QB Trent Green but it doesn’t look good.
Key Player: Julius Jones. The Stamps may stay out of the basement if Jones can stay healthy and post huge numbers. If he doesn’t the Stamps are done.
Question Mark: Jeremy Shockey. Can Shockey put up 100 fantasy points? The Stamps have had Shockey since his rookie year and he has always disappointed. His big mouth and low number make him a perfect fit for the Balls but the Stamps are stuck with him again.
Prediction: A ton of waiver wire activity and he will drop at least one stud in the process.

Rama Redskins
Analysis: The Redskins are already playing for next year after trading Curtis Martin. Rama is looking to the future with Auburn rookies Ronnie Brown, Carnell Williams and Michigan grad Braylon Edwards. He still has some punch on offence with Rudi Johnson but this team will win on the strength of Byron Leftwich’s arm and health. His defense also looks suspect.
Key Player: Byron Leftwich. Leftwich has the potential to be a fantasy super star but a lack of mobility has led to injuries. Rama may stay out of the basement if Leftwich stays healthy.
Question Marks: The Rookies. Brown and Williams may become superstars, but it is likely that only one will. Brown needs to get off to a fast start to keep Ricky Williams on the bench and it is important to mention he was a back-up in college. Williams needs to stay healthy (he couldn’t manage it in college) to ward off Michael Pittman who may steal some touches.
Prediction: One of his high ranked rookies will be a bust.

Milhaven Mutiny
Analysis: Going to Sudbury for the weekend and not pre-ranking many players may have doomed the Mutiny to another season in the cellar. Milhaven has some decent WRs with Marvin Harrison, Nate Burleson and Donald Drvier and potential at QB. His running backs are a mess with injury prone Duce Staley and Michael Bennett as the starters. His defense is an even bigger mess but it is the easiest position to bolster.
Key players: Carson Palmer and Michael Bennett. If Palmer can live up to the hype and lead the Bengals to the playoffs the Mutiny may end up out of the basement. Michael Bennett also has a ton of potential that has been largely unrealized and starts the year (again) on the DL.
Question Marks: The whole team other than Marvin Harrison.
Prediction: Many witty statements on the message board.

This Week in Big Ell Pro Ball

2005-08-29T18:30:00.000+08:00

Week 21 in Big Ell Pro Ball saw the Seattle Raniers and Missoula Astros clinch playoff spots and in all likelihood clinch division titles. The Astros victory celebration was subdued by the loss of Ben Sheets, who was finally starting to realize his considerable potential. The last week of the season will see battles for the 3rd (EZ Money/Yang Min Shan) and 6th (Marauders/Phillies/E’s) playoff positions.

Game of the Week
Seattle Raniers 9 EZ Money Braves 5
The Raniers extend the Braves losing streak to three games with a convincing win. The Raniers used the big bat of Griffey with the help of Hafner and Jones to pummel the Braves who enjoyed solid weeks from Rodriguez, Jeter and Giles. The Raniers formidable pitching staff dominated the Braves. Zambrano and Hudson were huge while Schilling’s terrible start hurt the Braves. Despite the losses, Braves fans are almost guaranteed of seeing their team finish no worse than 4th unless they self destruct against the All-Stars.

Yang Min Shan Yankees 9 Marauders 5
The Marauders were stymied in their attempt to extend their 2 game lead over the Phillies for the last playoff spot. The Yankees used an all around effort to beat the Marauders. Wright led the offence with 10 R 3 HR and 2 SB but the real story was the pitching staff with a low ERA and Jones picking up 4 saves. The Marauders played well with Martinez, Ortiz and Matsui leading the offence and Willis poitching well on the mound. The Marauders will need to bounce back but with the Crisis on board it is highly likely. The Yankees will be hard pressed to hold their season high 3rd place standing with the upcoming battle with the Astros.

Upset of the Week
S.B. Spittin’ Camels 9 Bingo Long All-Stars 6
The Camels continue to be a pain in the ass for other Canadian Division teams. One week after upsetting the Braves, the Camels do the same to the All-Stars. S.B was led by Giambi who led a balanced attack. The All-Stars were again led by Cantu with help from Suzuki and Helton. Weaver and Glavine led the Bingo pitching staff but were edged by Maddux and the Camels bullpen who had a great week.

Blowout of the Week I
Newcastle Guzzlers 12 Swinging Bats 2
The Bats were on the receiving end of another blowout this week at the hands of the Guzzlers. The Guzzlers bounced back after getting pounded by the Raniers the week before. Jones and Burrell led the way in the field and Peavey led the way on the mound. The Bats were terrible at all aspects of the game and will in all likelihood be relocated.

Blowout of the Week II
Taiwan E’s 12 Cuban Crisis 3
The E’s keep their slim playoff hopes alive by destroying the Crisis. If the E’s can repeat this performance against the Phillies in week 22 they may be able to squeak into the playoffs. The E’s victory was far from convincing as Mora and Westbrook were his only good performers. Clemens continues to waste an incredible year for the Crisis.

Missoula Astros 8 Formosa Phillies 6
The Missoula Astros winning streak reaches 11 weeks after beating the Phillies. The Phillies loss keeps them 2 games out of the playoffs. Delgado and Santana tried to keep the Phillies in it but poor weeks from Bonderman and LeCroy cost them a win. The Astros were again led by Lee and Pierre’s 10 R. The Astros pitching staff was stellar with 8 W 65 K 2.42 ERA. With the Phillies playing the E’s and the Marauders playing the Crisis, the Phillies playoff hopes are looking bleak.

Big LFL

2005-08-25T12:56:00.000+08:00

Keeper List

Here is the final keeper list for the 2005 Big LFL season:

Trades:
1. Deuce McAllister from Roadkill and a 8th round (104 ) pick for the Raniers 6th round (71) pick.
2. Rudi Johnson from Williams' and a 9th round ( 115) pick for the Redskins 6th round (73) pick.
3. Julius Jones from Roadkill and a 7th round pick (93 ) pick for the Stamps 5th round (67) pick.
4. Roy Williams from Steelers and a 10th round (137) pick for the Stamps 7th round (95) pick.
5. Stephen Jacksonfrom Steelers and a 13th round (172) pick for the Raniers 10th round (127) pick.

This week in Big Ell Pro Ball

2005-08-23T20:27:00.000+08:00

Week 20 in Big Ell Pro Ball saw the seemingly set playoff seeding obscured by some big blowouts and another big upset. A former first place team fell further to 3rd overall, the team that was surging saw their hot streak ended and a team thought to be out of it climbed to 5th place overall. The last two weeks should be exciting as the playoff match-ups come into focus.

Game of the Week
Yang Min Shan Yankees- 11 Formosa Phillies- 4
The Phillies were halted in their attempt to extend their winning streak to four games. The Yankees pounded the now reeling Phillies who fell out of the playoff race as quickly as they moved into it. The Yankees used and all around effort to stymie the Phillies. Gonzales, Reyes and Lopez led a balanced attack for Yang Min Shan while Mulder, Jones and Nathan gave the pitching staff just enough points for the big win. The Phillies pitchers Santana and Lee tried to keep their team in it but a porous bullpen led to their demise. Free Agent pick up LeCroy also tried his best to lift the pathetic Phillies offense but didn’t get any help from Pujols or Blalock. The Phillies will need to start another winning streak if they want to make the playoffs and face a stiff test against Missoula next week.

Upset of the Week
S.B. Spittin’ Camels- 10 -EZ MONEY BRAVES- 4
The Camels pounded the suddenly staggering Braves. S.B was playing for pride and was led by big weeks from Beltre and Furcal at the plate and on the base paths. Free Agent pick –ups Seo and Kazmir put together big games while Wright came off the DL to give the Camels a boost. EZ Money again failed to beat a weaker team but owenr Shane Forrer has nobody to blame this week. The Braves bats were silenced and mediocrity reigned on the mound. The Braves now face a must-win against the Raniers in week 21.

Blowout of the Week I
Bingo Long All-Stars- 11 Swinging Bats- 3
The All-Stars post their second big blowout win in a row and jump into 5th place overall. The All-Stars destruction of the Bats was expected as the Bats have apparently given up on the season. The Bats should be ashamed, not setting his roster or making any roster moves. I guess their owner thinks he’s JR Ewing, now that he’s a big oilman in Cowtown. Bingo Long didn’t have a good week offensively or from the hill but it was enough to beat the Bats.

Blowout of the Week II
Seattle Raniers- 10 Newcastle Guzzlers-3
The Raniers move into 1st place in the Canadian Division after crushing the Guzzlers. Hafner and Griffey provided the offence and Zambrano and Hernandez (2 W 20 Ks) the pitching for Seattle. Like the Guzzlers season, not much went right for Newcastle as the players struggled to achieve mediocre numbers. The Raniers look tougher and tougher as the weeks go by and appear ready for the Braves in week 21.

Marauders- 8 Taiwan E’s- 6
The Marauders retained their hold on the last playoff spot with a win over the E’s. The Marauder bats are heating up with Sexson, Peralta and Ortiz all having huge weeks and Willis leading the pitchers. The over matched E’s did just enough to prevent a Marauder slaughter. The Marauders face another big week with their game against the Yankees in week 21.

Missoula Astros- 9 Cuban Crisis- 5
Missoula continues to roll and stake their claim as the team to beat in Big Ell Pro Ball. The Astros haven’t lost in 10 weeks and will be tough to beat come playoff time. Missoula used a balanced offence to outlast the hapless Crisis who would have been beat worse without the play of Renteria. The Crisis pitching staff also couldn’t match Sabathia and Turnbow this week. What a pickup Turnbow has turned out to be for the Astros.

Between Periods

2005-08-21T21:23:00.000+08:00

Big Ell and Don Cherry Between Periods

Between Periods is the newest feature to be added to the first word in sports, Big Ell’s Sports Blog. Modelled on the Wasting Time feature from Big Ell’s Blog, it will be an ongoing feature that includes short articles and videos from the world of sport. I hope that you find it interesting, funny and/or disturbing. Don Cherry says “Big Ell’s Sports Blog is almost as exciting as watching Blue mount the Chihuahua down the road.”

Here is a link to that sick summer league dunk by high schooler Gerald Green from Gorilla Mask. My Celtics got one of two things in the draft, a steal at the 18th pick or the next Kenny Battle.

Here is another summer league dunk from Gorrila Mask. This time 5’8” former Washington Husky star Nate Robinson does a tip in dunk in traffic, simply spectacular. Isaiah Thomas may have finally made a trade to help his team by picking up little nate from the Suns.

This is an old link but still a classic. It is always fun to see what Mike Tyson will do next to pay the bills.

Apparently Snoop Dogg has his own youth football league. I am guessing that the postgame ritual will include bong hits on the team bus on the way to Chuck E. Cheese, fo shizzle.

To all you Eagles fans stewing over TO, you now have more reason to worry.

This week in Big Ell Pro Ball

2005-08-17T13:16:00.000+08:00

Big Ell Pro Ball is heating up with the playoffs only three weeks away. This week saw the end of inter-league play as teams only play their division rivals for the end of the season. The playoff picture become clearer as some teams solidified their positions and others may have fallen out of contention altogether.

Game of the Week
Formosa Phillies- 9 Marauders- 5
The Phillies racked up their third big win in a row. The rolling Phillies moved past the Marauders into 5th place and look dangerous. Formosa used a big week on the mound with an all around effort and the leadership of Santana. The Marauders hit well with Ensberg and Ortiz leading the way but the weak pitching of Vasquez and Shields sealed their fate. The Marauders extended their losing streak to 5 weeks and need to start winning if they want to stay in the playoffs. The Marauders do have a favorable schedule for the rest of the season.

Runner-up
Seattle Raniers- 11 S.B. Spittin’ Camels- 4
The Raniers dominated the Camels effectively ending their playoff hopes. Seattle was led by a balanced attack with Griffey leading the offence and waiver wire pick up Hernandez giving the pitching staff a boost. The Camels wasted 3 CGs with some terrible performances by Hoffman, Fossum and the entire offence with the exception of Johnson. The Raniers may have picked up another rookie (Hernandez) to help them to the championship.

Blowout of the Week
Bingo Long All-Stars- 12 Newcastle Guzzlers- 3
Just when this columnist had written off the All-Stars they respond by crushing the struggling Guzzlers. The All-Stars put in a true team effort led by Cantu and Beckett. The Guzzlers were led by Burrell and not much else. The All-Stars solidified their 7th place position and have a fairly favorable schedule over the last three weeks. The final week showdown with the Braves may be the difference.

Upset of the Week
Swinging Bats- 8 EZ Money Braves-6
The Braves lose 1st place overall after the Bats pull off the upset of the week. Vlad Guerrero took matters into his own hands after the bats were shellacked by 13 runs the week before. Both teams struggled on the mound but Vlad’s line of 9 R 5 HR 13 RBI 3 SB 4 BB 2 K and .500 BA overwhelmed the Braves. Not even a big week by Rodriguez could stop This week in Big Ell Pro Ball

Cuban Crisis- 9 Yang Min Shan Yankees- 7
The Yankees failed in their attempt to solidify a playoff position. Despite a decent week by Wright the rest of the Yankee batters faltered. The yang Min Shan pitchers did well but couldn't match up with the Crisis' trio of Patterson, Towers and Duchscherer, yes these three guys beat me. The Crisis offense was led by Konerko and Hudson. If the Yankees fail to make the playoffs their four combined losses to the Crisis and Bats will be the reason.

Ying Tsai Astros- 10 Taiwan E’s- 5
The Astros regained first place with a win over the suddenly hapless E's. The defending champs enjoyed a good week from Bay and not much else. The Astros keep winning and were led by MVP candidate Lee and a big week on the mound by Burnett.

This Week in Big Ell Pro Ball

2005-08-10T00:36:00.000+08:00

Palmeiro pleads Big Ell's Case

A few weeks back Ying Tsai Astro’s manager Brett O’Neil had a going away shindig at a local beer parlor. As is always the case with Brett, the conversation turned to major league and fantasy baseball. I went for a piss to avoid all of his inane arguments about the real and fantasy Astros. When I came back I overheard Brett and Marauders manager Dwayne discussing the worst trades of the season in Big Ell Pro Ball. They both declared that the Yankees trade of Miguel Cabrera for the Astros Randy Johnson was the most one sided trade of the year, followed by the Crisis trading Doc Halladay for the Marauders Mariano Rivera. Being drunk at the time, I was unable to think and or mention that the Yankees getting Barry Zito from the All-Stars for Clint Barmes was easily the most one sided trade of the year.

Johnson has been far from his over powering self, is old and is a borderline keeper. He has a 4.29 era and 7 losses with 11 wins but has managed 159 IP (7th), 3 CG (Tied3rd), 152 Ks (5th) and a 1.22 WHIP. While Cabrera-Johnson may go down as the WORST trade in the HISTORY of all the Big Ell Sports Leagues, it wasn’t the worst this year. If Cabrera turns into a crack head like Strawberry (highly likely if you have the inside connections of Big Ell) then it may not even be that bad. The Zito-Barmes trade was easily the most one-sided. Zito has, like his teammates turned his season around. His win loss isn’t great (11-8) and he doesn’t have a CG but he has 158 IP (8th), 112 Ks (26th), 3.65 era (42nd) and a 1.17 WHIP (26th). What has Barmes done? Before getting hurt he had 40 R, 8 HRs, 34 RBIs, 4 SB, 10 BB, 23 Ks, 12 Es and a .329 Ba in 225 AB’s. If Barmes had finished the year, the trade may not have been as one sided, but Big Ell’s vast baseball knowledge and insider connections gave him the foresight to know that he was in fact injury prone. So when the trade was offered he jumped at it and the All-Stars are in 9th and the Yankees4th.

Game of the Week:
Ying Tsai Astros- 6 Seattle Raniers- 6
The Astros lose first place overall by tying the 3rd place Raniers. The Astros got lucky with a below average week on the mound and at the plate. The equally hapless Raniers got lucky that they were playing the Astros.

Playoff Implications:
Yang Min Shan Yankees- 8 Bingo Long All-Stars-5
The Yankees held on for a hard fought win over the All-Stars. This game was close with three tied categories and with four categories that could’ve gone either way. The Yankees may have knocked the All-Stars out of the playoff race for the first time ever.

Blowout of the Week
Formosa Phillies- 14 Swinging Bats-1
The surging Phillies clobber the last place Bats by 13 runs and move into the last playoff spot. The Phillies pounded the Bats offensively behind Pujols, Ramirez and Blalock and got lucky on the mound as their shaky pitching managed to over power the limp arms of the Bats. The Phillies now face another crucial test when they face the 5th place Marauders.

S.B Spittin Camels- 7 Marauders-6
The Camels squeaked by the Marauders in a hard fought game. The Marauder pitching was on fire with a 1.27 era and stellar weeks from Sosa, Colon and Willis. Beltre came out of a year long slump to led the Camel attack who were also helped by big weeks from pitchers Haren and Carpenter.

EZ Money Braves-10 Taiwan E’s- 3
The Braves take over 1st place overall by pounding the E’s who have now fallen out of 6th place. EZ Money used a balanced attack to overwhelm the E’s who only had Bay playing well. The E’s pitching collapsed with an ERA of 9.95 and a WHIP of 1.95 to give the Braves another big win.

The Cellar Dwellars
Newcastle Guzzlers- 8 Cuban Crisis- 7
The injury plagued Guzzlers beat the always inept Crisis in a battle of teams whose season’s ended months ago.

The Life and Times Of Big Ell

2005-08-06T03:54:00.000+08:00

I watched the Tyson-McBride fight a few months back and became quickly depressed. It wasn’t depressing seeing the former champ get whooped by a journeyman, Danny Williams did the same to the former champ. I wasn’t feeling down because he is bankrupt, letting Don King manage your affairs pretty much guarantees an empty piggy bank and chapter 8 protection. I became depressed because it wasn’t so long ago that Big Ell was being touted as the next big thing, the Great White Hope. In other words I could’ve been a contender, the cracker Mike Tyson.

I remember back to that fateful year 1988. It was October and I was in New York checking out the Broadway musical, Chess. I just couldn’t get enough of Murray Head’s, “One Night in Bangkok.” I was taking a cab back to my motel when my cabbie Hassan got lost and we ended up in New Jersey, Bernardsville, N.J. to be exact. Hassan stopped to ask two women how to get back onto the freeway, but instead of giving directions they jumped into the cab. They were both hysterical and I tried to calm them down when a dining room table smashed the rear view window. I looked back and could see a figure that looked like Mike Tyson running at the cab carrying a bassinette over his head. The bassinette came flying towards us but Hassan, sensing the incoming danger had hit the gas. We made it to the freeway when I realized that the two women were Robin Givens and her mother.

Hassan dropped Robin and I off at my motel and took her mother back to his place. Hassan was suave in a Omar Shariff kind of way. Robin was feeling vulnerable at the time so I did what any guy would do and took her up to my room. Well one thing led to another and I made her my woman. It took only a few minutes and she was mine. Needless to say Mike Tyson wasn’t too happy when he found out that his wife was shacked up with some Canadian peckerwood. He found us the next day and said

"You're sweet. I'm going to make sure you kiss me good with those big lips. I'm gonna make you my girlfriend and you’ll be screaming like my wife." Followed by "I’m on the Zoloft or I’d kill y’all now."

Then he challenged me to a fight, anytime, anywhere. To be honest, I was scared. Here was the heavyweight champion of the world challenging me to a fight. But I knew that I needed to protect the honor of my woman and quickly suggested holding the match in Vauxhall, Alberta. Vauxhall had been the site of many of my grandfather’s top bar-room brawls. I think he bit of the Mayor's nose during one altercation. We set the date for the end of November. Don King quickly coined it the ‘The Brawl in Vauxhall. In the ensuing excitement I signed a lifetime services contract with Don King Entertainment. Don King’s marketing savvy came to the forefront when he planned the fight for early November to coincide with the annual Lobsterfest, thus guaranteeing a much larger gate.

After Tyson accepted the challenge I headed to the potato capital of the west for training. I was an underdog and knew, from watching the Rocky movies, that I needed to work out. I hadn’t boxed much since grade 7 but was ready to defend my woman’s honor. I thought it best to get my body accustomed to the physiological challenges that come with fighting on the cold prairies. I set up shop in the basement of the curling rink and began training. I spent my days bailing hay, shoveling shit and doing pushups on the cold ice of the curling rink. I shadowed boxed with Samantha and Sammy and ran the many miles between the Lions Park and Campground. This sleepy southern Alberta hamlet soon adopted me as one of their own. I knew that the crowd in the Community Center would be largely pro Big Ell.

Most Calgarians remember 1988 as the year the Winter Olympics came to town. Most forget about when Iron Mike came to town for Tyson-Big Ell I. People have tried to forget the scene at the airport where Tyson urinated on the white Stetson hat presented by Mayor Ralph Klein. People have long forgotten Tyson thrashing Mayor Klein’s head off the urinal at the Saint Louis Hotel. They forget that he ripped the heads off both Hidy and Howdy, our Olympic mascots. Citizens have mentally blocked out his comparison of Bow River trout with his soon to be ex-wife’s vagina. After this slight, I knew I was not only fighting for the honor of my woman but for all Albertans.

An overfilled Community Center was rocking the night of the fight. Scalpers were selling tickets for close to ten bucks. The bookmakers had me a 5000-1 underdog but I remained confident. Being the underdog I was the first to enter the ring to the strains of Accept’s chart topper “Balls to the Wall.” Iron Mike entered the ring and Michael Buffer exclaimed “Let’s Get Ready to Rumble!!!”

Round 1 was a blur as Tyson couldn’t hit me because of my lightning fast footwork. I managed to land a few jabs but was unable to connect with my vaunted right hook. Judges scored the round 10-9 Iron Mike.
Round 2 didn’t start off very well. Iron Mike started working the body and soon had me in the corner. I tried to rope to dope like Ali in the Rumble in the Jungle but I ain't no Muhammed fuckin Ali. I was a 17 year old from Calgary. I ended up taking about 23 crushing over hand rights from the champ but I didn’t go down. Judges score 10-7 Iron Mike.
Round 3 started out better. I managed to avoid any contact for about 90 seconds. Some ‘commentators,’ said I was running like a girl, but I was using the age old tactic of the duck and run. Then my sweetie Robin jumped onto the ring apron, I was quickly distracted by her feminine whiles. Before I knew it my teeth were on the ground and my blood splattered across the ring. I looked up and referee Mills Lane was raising Iron Mike’s glove. I knew this was my one and only chance to be the champ and I had failed.

The crowd turned on me quickly as Vauxhall crowds are wont to do. I was pelted with lobsters and cans of Pilsner as I left the ring. After a vist from my Dentist Mr. Goldstein I headed out to the parking lot. My father was waiting there just like when I suffered so many other sporting losses. It wasn't much different from when I got a game misconduct in Strathmore or when I ran the goalie during a soccer tourney in Great Falls. My father drove me back to Calgary, in his slick brown 1980 El Camino, and whispered words of encouragment. "You should have trained harder!" "How could you let that biatch distract you?" Just as we were hitting Aldersyde my father said "You know, your Grandpa would have low blowed him and then bit of his nipple and walked away with the title." I said "I know, I know, pass me that reefer my head still hurts."

Welcome to Big Ell's Sports Blog

2005-06-19T21:39:00.000+08:00

I would like to welcome you to Big Ell's Sports Blog. This site is run by Big Ell and is the sister site of Big Ell's Blog. Big Ell's Blog focuses on many non-sports realted themes like Taiwan, politics, music, books and my life in Taiwan. If you have nothing better to do check out the site. This site will focus on sports and more importantly is the home for Big Ell Fantasy Sports.

I hope to be able to update this site on a fairly regular basis (wife willing). I will post opinion pieces on different goings on in the world of sport. I will focus on Major League Baseball, the NFL, the NBA and the NHL (Bettman willing) but reserve the right to rant about anything I like. I will also ramble on about Taiwan baseball and basketball when I feel the urge. I will also post links to sports sites and articles I find interesting. I have included some of my favorite sports sites in the left column.

More importantly this will be the home of Big Ell Fantasy Sports. I hope to have weekly features on the many different leagues I run. I have also included a permanent listing of league winners in the left column where you can see that I have won the past two Big LBL titles. If you come up with a post of your own feel free to e-mail me and I will post it. The current active fantsay leagues will also have links on the left. Feel free to comment and prasise my posts and or ridicule Stu or Rob. If you don't want to register when you make a comment all you need to do is post annonymously and type your name on the bottom. The goal of this site is not to take away from the message boards on the fantasy sites. I just need a larger forum to post links that will enable me to correct and argue against the illogical postings of people like Shane and Craig. I hope you all enjoy.

The Commish, Big Ell.